Funny You Should Mention Him

Stumpy Terrell: Former Comedy Club Owner

     Geez, yes; I remember Pistol. We're going back a ways now. He must'a been nineteen or twenty when he began hanging around The Funny Bone.

     Then he started writing jokes for some of the acts, and it turned out he was funnier than they were. Like we had this guy on Tuesdays called Firecracker Franks, and his whole routine was making music with body noises. He was good. I mean, the guy could burp Flight of the Bumblebee, for goodness' sake, and his Moonlight Sonata took the flat right out of flatulence.
      But a novelty act like that wears thin real quick, you know, and Franks was starting to get a lot of heckling. Plus, our ventilation system wasn't all that good, if you know what I mean, so I was gonna let him go. But Pistol writes him this whole new act where Franks is a food critic reviewing exotic foreign restaurants,  you see, and the chefs are just standing by and praying for him to come up with a three-burp review. Or an even lower opinion, if you know what I mean.
      And he helped the other guys, too. He gave Sammy Smirk that whole bit about women being lucky with that 34 double D bra stuff, while guys like him don't get to say double anything when buying briefs sized Small. 
      It was Pistol, too, who wrote that joke about the parakeets, the male stripper, and the trapeze. Letterman's even used it.
      Anyway, he's helping all these comedians - and they don't really laugh much when it comes to shelling out money, you know - so I tell Pistol to do his own show. He called it Pistol Goes Off, and he'd get laughs just standing up there; this little guy with glasses, you know. Then he'd just rant and rave about how he couldn't succeed with any of his projects, like producing Braille roadmaps for blind drivers. I remember that one.   Or honking condoms. And his mail-order business for the homeless.
      He really got into it, and the crowds liked him. But then his brother - what was his name? Jerk or Perp, or something? - started to show up with his gang, and that wasn't good for business, so I had to let him go.
    He was a good guy. Real funny; in a nerdy, helpless, Woody Allen sort of way.

The End

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