My drive to "Queen of Angels" hospital was peaceful considering, I was going to watch my mother die. I guess I should have been a little droopy, a little sniffly, I was none of those.
Biologically, my mother had two sons, realistically in her heart, she had one, my brother. But where was he? Sitting around crying, saying how he couldn't come because he didn't like to see her like that. And what did she say, "You know, your brother is busy, he has business to take care of, you should be ashamed!" I should be ashamed? Yea, he was busy, finding the fix he needed more and more each day.. Oh yes, I took pleasure in telling her that..
I watched the palm trees float by.
She was emaciated, just barely skin and breath. I leaned down and pecked her on her forehead. This was the woman that had never acknowledged a thing I'd accomplished, in fact, she had never even acknowledged my living, breathing life. I pulled the chair close to the bed, took in a deep breath and waited for the inevitable.
And I knew it was bad that I was hoping the inevitable didn't take forever, I knew it wasn't right that I wanted this to be over, I knew it was wrong to wish this woman to hurry up and go, just go, but I didn't care.
Her hand reached across the bed and grabbed mine. She tried to raise her head and almost fainted from the effort. I moved in closer, she looked into my eyes and said.. "Your brother is a selfish mother f---er, I always loved you best.." And, she died.
Well, as I live and breath.. I thought about this revelation for a minute.. Did she think this was her last minute ticket into heaven. I hoped it brought her half way up Jacobs Elevator and St. Peter pushed the down button.
I stood, folded her skinny arms across her sunken chest, stopped by the nurses station.. told them that the woman in room 2300 bed A, had left the building.
Thank you very much!