The chaos went on for a few more minutes, just up until my head threatened to explode.
"Shut up!" I roared, "Everybody, shut the hell up!"
To my surprise, they actually turned to look at me. More like, to gawk at me.
I shrunk a bit into myself, but my anger kept me from running away in humiliation. My head was burning and I quickly regained my footing.
"What do you think you're doing? This is Hell's military council, not a place for you all to start bickering! I want you all out! Now!"
Eversio cleared his throat awkwardly.
"What do you want?" I raged, my tail whipping about in a frenzy behind me.
"Your...your hands are on fire."
I looked at the fists clenched by my sides and realized with a yelp that they were burning with a vicious black flame.
Without a thought I threw myself to the floor and started rolling around on the carpet.
"What are you doing, Commander?" Eversio asked incredulously, his voice barely registering in my mind.
"I'm trying to put it out, you idiot! Haven't you ever learned stop, drop and roll?!"
A few seconds later Dionysus ran over and started rolling on the ground beside me, laughing hysterically.
"That isn't normal fire."
I stopped mid-roll and slowly sat up.
"You're thinking about earth fire. It's only a poor imitation of hellfire."
"Hellfire? Earth fire?" I asked, my voice rising in pitch, "Next you're going to be telling me there's water fire."
Everyone in the room laughed and I fumed.
"What is this hellfire, then? And why did I spontaneously combust?"
"It's a force only known to the inhabitants of hell." Eversio replied, "It burns in seven different colours, one for each of the seven principles."
I looked at him in confusion and he continued.
"You may know them as pride, envy, lust, sloth, greed, gluttony and wrath. Basically, our constitution."
"The fire was a diplomatic gift from a guy called Prometheus. I think he had liver problems."
"Can you get to the point?" I asked, annoyed beyond annoyance.
"Hellfire doesn't burn. It's an open form of expression, for all of your (pardon the pun) inner demons. Only a few have actually ever managed to weaponize it. In other words, don't worry about it. Once you learn the ropes you'll manage to hide it anyways."
I looked at the gloves on his hands and felt something click in my head.
"Well," I started, finally free of my fit of emotion, "That's a relief. How about we all...order pizza?"
I took the overwhelming silence to be a yes.