We the undersigned agree to the exchange, made under the authority of HRH King Lucifer, of Zara Shah's eternal soul for the guarantee of her survival until the appropriate age of collection.
When the terms of the contract have been fulfilled the above stated will be taken into the jurisdiction of HRH's realm to be employed as necessary.
Right below that section were my parents' signatures, the penmanship shaky. It took a few seconds for me to notice the fine print at the bottom of the page.
If the above stated is found to be unsatisfactory, uncooperative or overtly religious HRH reserves the right to consume their soul at any time without prior notice. Upon death the above stated will be expected to continue their servitude to HRH until the end of time. Any attempt to escape the terms of the contract or to have any form of communication with persons who are not residents of the Underworld will result in permanent exile to the nation Tartarus.
I stared at the paper a second before the information penetrated my skull. Essentially Lucifer could eat my soul whenever he wanted to, and the rest of my life (and afterlife) would be spent doing god knew what in hell.
"I can't believe this!"
I looked up at Eversio's sulky face, watching him pace back and forth.
"What?" I asked, even though I was more than sure of what his answer was.
He turned to me, hitting his face with his hand.
"My father's been idiotic enough by not doing anything...but now he's given you...a human military control of hell? That's like handing a toddler the keys to your car!"
"Actually," I replied, "I've been learning how to drive, and I'm not that bad-"
"-but do you know anything about tactics? Politics? Warfare?"
"I'm not totally stupid, you know." I sighed, "I'm holding a contract that essentially binds me to hell forever, and you think I'm going to let it fall apart?"
Eversio calmed down a little, but only a little.
"You're going to need advisors-" he started.
"-You're hired." I muttered, knowing full well that prolonging the matter would only hurt me in the long run.
The contract said that Lucifer could eat my soul...but could his son do the same? It would probably be a good idea to keep from getting him angry.
"Oh. Ok." he blinked, surprised at his quick victory.
"But I also want to interview some other potential candidates." I said quickly, "To...create a council."
"Not a bad idea." he replied, lost in thought.
I just thought that it would be harder for him to go all soul-eater on me in front of other people. And I didn't want to get stuck doing everything by myself.
Like I always was. Group projects were stupid.
"So, um..." I started, "Does this mean I'm not 'recruit' anymore?"
He rolled his eyes. Bob chose just then to pipe up.
YOU'RE THE HIGH COMMANDER NOW! THEY GROW UP SO FAST...
"Bob, where have you been?" I asked, wondering where to look.
I DON'T LIKE PARTIES. NOBODY EVER RESPECTS MY PERSONAL SPACE, KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
I didn't know how a voice could need space, but hey.
SO, DID YOU AND LUCIFER HAVE SOME QUESTIONABLE ENCOUNTERS YET OR WHAT?
"Bob, I just met His Highness....A person of my position would never-"
STOP WITH THE POLITICAL CORRECTNESS. THIS IS HELL. WE ALL KNOW THAT THE KING SCREWS EVERY REMOTELY FEMALE BEING HE MEETS.
I coughed again.
SERIOUSLY. HE LIKES GENETIC DIVERSITY IN HIS KIDS. AND MAKING SURE THAT HE HAS ENOUGH HEIRS.
Eversio laughed bitterly.
"What heirs? Out of all of the royals I'm the only one who even remotely takes care of their duties. The rest of them are all busy partying or getting gigs on reality TV!"
Clearly Bob had hit a nerve.
"Um..." I interrupted, "That really sucks."
"I have these half-sisters, three from the same mother, who are absolutely obnoxious. They spend all of their time yelling at each other about their tans!"
YOUR HIGHNESS. YOU'RE RAMBLING.
I let out a sigh of relief. At least I wouldn't have to say it.
"Sorry Bob." he sighed, "It's stressful being a prince. The commoners have it easy."
I stared at him. Clearly he'd never heard of student loans.