I never know what triggers my emotions to become so overwhelming that I can't help but to cry. I've been crying for hours, feeling this heavy weight on my chest that won't go away. My thoughts swarm in my head, bringing me down faster with each jab at my heart. Each thought in the form of a question, answered with false accusations.
Why does nobody want me around? Why does he have to come home everyday, threatening to slap the shit out of me? Why can't I ever please him?
I feel my heart beating heavily, as I try to take in deep breaths to calm myself. The darkness of my emotions engulfs me even more now, and I don't know what to do. I can never escape from this.
I picked up my phone and crawled into the little crevice between my wall and my bed. I looked at the time; it was 3:24 am. I whimpered, as another emotional tidal wave hit my chest. I dialed his number, but prepared myself for voice-mail. He never checked his voice-mail.
"Hello?" answered a groggy voice. My voice caught in my throat and I panicked a little. He never answers his phone. "Roo? Is that you?"
I tried to say hello, but I wasn't sure if it came out audible.
"What's wrong, sweetheart?" he asked.
"I... I don't know." I started crying harder, unsure as to what was wrong with me. I never knew and it killed me. I tried to blame it on my dad, but it wasn't just him. I seemed to get like this even when I hadn't spoken to him in three days.
"I'm coming over, I'll stay on the phone if you want me too." I heard shuffling in the background as I tried to say ok. He sighed into the phone, and I started thinking those awful thoughts again. This voice in my head kept telling me I was annoying him and that he was going to leave me because I can't handle myself. I hummed a song, trying to ignore it. I wanted to be somewhat alright when he got here.
I went downstairs to open the door, trying to wipe the tears away from my cheeks but I figured there was no point. Chandler came in, and instantly embraced me. He stroked my hair, and I pressed my face into his chest. He picked me up, and carried me to my room, laying me down gently on my bed. I looked up at him, as he took his shirt off. I noticed he was wearing pj pants.
He's going to leave you if you keep acting this way. Who wants to be with a depressed loner?
Chandler laid down next to me and pulled me into his arms. I held onto him, trying to force out all the pain. Tears flowed from my eyes, stinging my cheeks.
"I love you, so much. I hate seeing you this way," he said, holding on to me tighter.
"I'm sorry," I said, feeling awful that I put him through this.
"Shh... Don't be. Try to go to sleep."
I closed my eyes, listening to him tell me how beautiful I am and how much I meant to him and everyone. He stroked my hair, and occasionally kissed my head. I focused on his voice, and his voice alone as I drifted off.