Sammy and his Writers

Note: This branch is an argument between Sammy the Magical Unicorn and myself LairdTom. I will speak in BOLD and Sammy will speak in italics. Enjoy!

It was a warm day on Saturday, and Sammy was soaking up the sun, applying suntan lotion to himself, and three ugly young gnomes. Their leathery skin was not nice to apply suntan lotion to, and so-

Alright. Seriously? This is hardly fair. Why do I always get-

Don't interrupt when I'm writing about terrible things that happen to you.

...and so Sammy was squinting, imagining that he was simply applying suntan lotion to a brick wall.

'You missed a spot!' cried Ugly, one of the young gnomes, as he pulled down his trousers, revealing a tiny wrinkled posterior.

Sammy was so polite, however, that he rubbed in a nice dollop of lotion to the gnome's rear without even thinking about it, and-

Do I seriously have to apply suntan lotion to this gnome's arse? I mean, really, I-

Sammy was enjoying the blend of bare skin and lotion, and got a little too excited-

C'mon, that's not nice. Nobody wants to read about that, do they?

Of course they do. It's hilarious. The world is full of sadistic freaks these days, and those sadistic freaks want to watch you suffer in horrible ways for their own amusement.

But it's not realistic. All the stuff in previous stories has been loosely based on real events. The armed robbery, the forest fire, the scary clown... It all happened, and you just wrote it down and altered it so it was more literary. But I don't remember a single time when I applied lotion to another mythical creatures bum!

Oh, I beg to differ. You see, I have been watching you for several weeks now, Sammy. I've been taking photos.

What do you-

I need material, my friend. I saw what happened with those gnomes... You can't deny it, I have photographic evidence!

Oh, God no! I didn't realise... Oh no...

Yes! Yes, it's true! Now, either you let me write about it, and let the readers assume it's just fictional, or I post these photos on every social networking site on the Internet, exposing you as a gnome-lover, ruining your reputation!

Ah! Okay, fine. Write the story. Just please, please don't show anybody those photos.

My lips are sealed.

The lotion was slippery... Sammy didn't try to stop himself as his hand slipped...

Gnome-on-unicorn love was made all night.

...Damn you, Tom.

The End

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