Sammy and the Imminent Blindness

Oh hell yes, Unicorns certainly can skip.   As that is how Sammy greeted the members milling about in the crisp air of the flowery forest.

As happens most mornings when Sammy appears, the hush talking around the clearing fell silent as the other animals quickly pretended to be doing something.

"Guess what I've done!" gurgled Sammy, obviously pleased with himself.

"Disembowel yourself?" guessed Bonzo, the diabetic albatross.

"Set fire to the food hut?" guessed Bartles, the gelatinous warthog.

"Kill a nun?" guessed Snitsnot, the nun killing drifter.

"Oh heavens no." Sammy laughed at their silliness, "I have just come from the workshop in Gnome Vilage. I have invented something wonderful."

"Another invention?" asked Bonzo, "Everyone take cover."

"Look." cried Sammy as he produced an oversized pair of eyeglasses.

Once the laughter died down, Sammy said he would demonstrate for everyone. He set the gigantic pair of black goggle-like glasses on his head.  The lenses sat out about a foot away from his face, with giant coiled spriings on each side and two long leather straps that hung all the way to the ground and then curled some.

"Fine, I'll bite. Sammy, why are the lenses so far away?" asked Bartles.

"Oh that's the best part. They stand out so I can add these pointers that let others know where I am looking at." said Sammy.  With that, Sammy screwed two foot long metal cones to the inside of the lenses that came to a point right before his eyes.

The animals slowly looked at each other with a knowing look.  Just then Zipey the hedgehog said "Somebody better go get Dr. Pretty."

"Don't you mean Dr. Prutty?" asked Danny the giraffee.

"No." answered Zipey. "Dr. Prutty never recovered from Sammy's last invention, the combination toilet seat and grinding wheel.  Dr. Pretty is his niece."

"Sammy, what is with the giant springs?" asked Danny.

"I'm ever so glad you asked.  If you happen to trip while wearing them, the springs allow the lenses to retract toward you a foot and you don't end up breaking the lenses. Tah-dahh!" and Sammy smiled at his brilliance.

Zipey started to say, "But then wouldn't those metal pointy cones -" but he was cut off by Bartles with a smile and a wink.

Then all the animals in the clearing paused for a second to reread the title of this story.

"So Sammy," asked Bonzo, "What's with the long leather straps?"

"That's the best part." said Sammy, "To make sure you don't lose the glasses, you pull the straps over your ears like this, then wrap them around your front legs like this, and you tie them ever so tightly together, like this. And if you put your legs close together like this, you can wrap the straps around them lots of times. And I like to double knot."

"You umm, really thought this through now, didn't you Sammy? asked Bartles, chuckling.

"Not really" said Sammy, but was very proud that Bartles thought he actually thought it through.

"Can you all see where I'm looking now?" asked Sammy.

"No, Sammy, you're too far away." chuckled Danny. "Maybe if you came closer -" but he was interrupted by Bonzo.

"Hang on a second. Here comes Dr. Pretty." Bartles said gelatinously.

Dr. Pretty slowly arrived into the clearing. She was a gorgeous turtle indeed and look very alluring in her half shell.

"Hel-lo boys." said Pretty, "Did any of y'all need me for something?"

"Yes ma'am." said Barltes blushingly, "We were just wondering how far the space was between a unicorns eyes and his brain?"

"Oh that's as easy as i am," said Dr. Pretty, "A unicorn's brain is only about fifteen centimeters from his eye's."

"Sweet," said Bartles, "Danny, what was it you were saying to Sammy just before?"

But it was hard to make out Danny's request over the rest of the animals all calling for Sammy to try and walk closer to them.

Later that day, during clean up hour in the flowery forest, it was Zipey, the hedgehog's turn to pick up after everyone.  And so it was Zipey, who took the new invention to the storage shed.  And once there, Zipey laid the blue bloodied invention softly on top of the combination toilet seat and grinding wheel. And he couldn't help but chuckle, because that's what Sammy did best.

"Oh that Sammy" said Zipey to himself, "funny, funny, blind Sammy."



The End

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