From: Nathan White (SoCal_High_nate@hotmail.com)
To: Eric Carter (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Subject: Your long awaited story (and name cleaning)
Santa Monica, California
We continued to keep a low profile throughout April and May and we were almost back to normal. Ryan had almost completely forgotten about the murder and only thought about the theft. The murder witnessing sure took its toll on him. He didn’t talk much the first week and he always rambled about how we could prevent it from happening. I couldn’t blame him though. It’s not easy seeing a corpse with its brains blown out right after you heard and almost saw the entire scene, is it? I’m pretty sure that the fact he was high at the moment surely softened his feelings. Had he not been high, I think that he’d have taken it way worse than he did. Seeing Ryan, you’d think that he’s a badass and a very careless man. Don’t get me wrong, he is badass, I’m not gonna lie, after all he managed to get his shit back together after witnessing such an ordeal. But you see underneath the tattoos, the shades, the backwards hat and the earrings, he’s just an ordinary sensitive guy. He has a pure heart. That’s why I respect and love him like I do. He’ll always be my baby cousin after all. Alright, I think you’ve had enough of cliché bromances! Let’s feed our dear material-hungry journalist with more of our life story.
We were chilling at home on a cloudy but hot Saturday afternoon and I was giving Ryan some hell in videogames. We went to his apartment and took his PS3 (and his bike), so now we had two of those! We were playing GTA in particular. I saw his douchy character roaming aimlessly on the streets and BOOM! I took that headshot! Down goes the douchebag! Ryan dropped his controller in frustration; “God damn!” This made me laugh more than I should. “Don’t worry baby bro, one day you’re gonna grow up to become just as awesome as me” I said with a dose of swagger. “Fuck man, you’re always kickin’ my ass in this piece of shit game” he moaned.
“Ooooh? Little baby’s got his pants kicked?” I teased him and then pretended to cry like a bitch.
“Fuck you Nate” he said and opened a fifth can of beer.
“Jesus Christ Ryan you drink more than Charlie snorts!”
“Eh, since I can take it, might as well embrace it”
“Someone’s on his way to alcoholism” I notified.
We than sat on the couch and I lit a cigarette, waiting for something exciting to happen, besides me beating Ryan’s ass on GTA, that wasn’t something new (and therefore not exciting anymore). “Yo Nate” Ryan called, duty called! “’Sup?”
“I’m gonna go check on my bike, I’ll be back in ten” he said. I waved and continued watching SpongeBob. After about 5 minutes, my phone rang. Ryan was calling, duty was calling! I stood up and sang along to the ringtone. “I keep on thinkin’ that it’s, all done and all over now” I added some air drumming and the set was kickin’! I was utterly bummed that it stopped in 7 seconds though. “Eh, he’ll call back.” Duty can wait.
Then I heard banging at my door. “Open up Nate!” I heard Ryan say.
“If it ain’t pizza you’re not coming in!” Then I poured myself a drink. He continued banging at the door and he was all sweaty and out of breath when I opened.
“What the fuck are you doing, bro? Why aren’t you picking up the phone?” he said, angrily. “Sorry, too much of a good ringtone to do so”
“You fucking asshole, there’s cops down there!”
“Well how do you know they weren’t just roaming by?” I asked.
“They aren’t moving they’re on the front door, man!”
“How many of them are there?”
“Two… or…or three…? I don’t know man, we just gotta get out of here!” a panicky Ryan stuttered.
“Don’t you worry, child. I’ve got an idea” I said.
I dug out some white shirts and a fake briefcase from a board game and dressed up as an ordinary everyday commuter. Ryan took off his hat and earrings and let his blonde hair fall on his forehead. Then, as expected, there was a knock on our door. This time a calmer voice tried to persuade us. “Hello. We are from Santa Monica Police Department and we would like to ask you a few questions” it said. And that would probably be Sanders. What a nice man! We had no intentions of running away so I politely opened the door. “Yes sir? How can I help you?” I asked. “Umm hello! I was wondering if you could give us some information about two possible robbery and murder suspects?” he politely asked. “Sure, anything if I can help!”
“That’s fantastic!” he said. “Alright so let me begin with the appearance. Tall Caucasian male, about your height with black hair and a shorter Caucasian male with many tattoos and a black trucker cap; does this ring a bell?” he asked.
I pretended to think. “Umm I’m afraid no. Not at all, officer” I politely said. “That is unfortunate. Thank you for your time and if anything comes up, you can call the Police Department to help us with the investigation” he suggested. “What about my dick?” I heard Ryan say from inside. “Uhm uhm sure, officer” I tried to make the phrase less noticeable. Dumb kid! “Thank you again and sorry for the inconvenience!” he said and took off.
“Ryan” I called. “Ryan!”
“What’s up?” he said.
“Are you fucking serious? He could have suspected us, you dumbfuck!” I scolded him.
“Ah, I knew you’d be butthurt Nate!” he laughed. “You’re pushing our luck, you dumb bitch.” That kid is always pushing me around. “Yo Nate!”
“Yeah!” I said while changing clothes.
“Did you tell him about the biker guy that was leaving the store?” his tone got more serious.
I stood and thought for a second and then buried my face inside my hands. “Holy shit man. I completely forgot about it!”
I sighed. That was our chance! “Good idea though, little one! We can use our knowledge as witnesses. Cheers!”
“Well, there will be a next time, don’t worry.”
I’d be lying if I said he was wrong!
Yo Eric! When we get to the part where we meet you, YOU’RE gonna describe this like a story, and don’t pretend you don’t remember you sneaky motherfucker! I know you do!
Talk to you soon!