Brief story of my "rot gut" feelin'. ..
I know why I have this feeling.
It's a feeling that I am far too familiar with.
The feeling you get when you find out your girl got drunk at a party last night and you weren't there to protect her.
It's the feeling you get after screaming at your love, for a feeling she didn't mean to cause, and the sound she makes when you break her heart.
It's a pain that can't be hidden; or at least not easily.
I've been diagnosed with an inguinal hernia the day before taking my first semester, college finals.
If I don't make a passing grade on every one of these tests I will have to drop out, so if my intestines fall into my scrotum and I am rushed to the ER, it was for a successful future.
But that pain, that feeling in my gut, isn't from that hernia, or the fear of it gettin' worse.
It's not from being the type of man I grew up fearing, and saying I'd never be.
No, it's regret.
I stuck with that girl that got drunk at a party
The party I wasn't invited to.
The party that I quit going to after I started dating her.
I stuck with her because she said I was her one and only.
A week ago, we hit the two year mark, and I also found out she won't live another week.
I got this feeling, the same way I gave her a sickness, a sickness I got at that damned party.
The sickness I got from some girl that I just don't recall.
For girls, this sickness seeps through there blood and gives them a black tumor inside of them.
I put that black tumor in there,
Some might get ashamed, or get this same feeling if they got their girl pregnant.
But when it's gotten this far, you can't abort cancer
It's been two years, and that's all it'll be.