session 1Mature

"But why the poetry"?,  'where does these poems come from"?,!!!  I demanded in utter frustration.  My physcogolgist just looked at me and in her calming voice said, " "What difference does it make?,  "I have many clients who  come into my office and they are writers also". "They do not worry about where their inspiration comes from".  "As long as they are writing" , she said , they are happy"!. 

She then  flashed a big warm smile at me. As if to assure me that she was indeed taking my concerns seriously . And with a swift conviction  motioned  us to move from the hard backed office desk chairs where we had been sitting across from each other . To the big comfy sofa and chair in the back of her office.

"She doesn't get it", I thought to myself.  So again I quiz her. Only this time I elaborate. Thinking maybe I am not giving her enough information for her to formulate a decent educated  answer.  "But not all people speak in clanging rhymes:! I said. Starting to feel defeated and alone in this big office.  "And further more, I am not even talking about inspiration"!  My voice getting louder. "I am talking about an entire poem being written by me"!!! ,,"without any conscious thought or will to  decide to write it "!.   "I want to know how an entire poem from first to last stanza is imprinted on my brain, without any choice on my part"?" !  I demanded.  Not to mention the fact that I could not forget these poems, even if I tried.!  " It is like these poems are burned into my brain, like an imprint in my head".

. I should have said, they come from a place I am totally unaware of . I can not even call it my sub consicence.  Because that would mean I have had at least some tid bit or funderstanding on a specific topic to be able to write the piece in the first place.

Well she says, "There is much evidence linking the muse to mental illness"!    "So what ",  she shrugs her shoulders, "you are a creative type of person"! "There is no need, to worry about it'!

"Christ"! I screamed under my breathe. She doesn't know . $165.00 per hour. And all  this woman  did was make an observation. She can't even answer a direct question.

It didn't matter it was the last session I had with her. Prior to my referal to see a Physciatrist. By my family physician.  that was ok with me. Because at this point my behaviors were starting to scare me. And the sense of urgency, and the intensity behind my thoughts, my feelings and my convictions, my actions.  Was driving me,   Only I couldn't see it at the time...

The End

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