(A/N: To be honest with my readers and my awesome co-writer Aria, I had no idea how I would write this chapter. In fact, I was kind of brain dead about this collab. But then I was listening to a song on my phone and I suddenly knew what to do. So I think it would actually be a good experience for my readers to listen to the song before, while or after they read this chapter. The song is "Your Guardian Angel" by Red Jumpsuit Apparatus and well, here's the link if you're up for it:
Thank you to all of those who have been reading the story. Enjoyy.)
We entered the gates of the cemmetery, my hands safely back in his. This time I didn't want to let go for fear of falling down and never being able to get back up again. I could see Ethan was uncomfortable by the sudden change of atmosphere between us. He didn't know where to go.
"Do you know where....the grave is?" He asked me softly.
My head bobbed a nod, a weak one that in time would have more strength. At the moment, I was not the same, rebellious wild girl I was to Ethan before. I was broken down, shattered and scared to pick up the pieces of glass again; and I think Ethan knew this, as freaky of an experience this might be for him.
I rested my head on his shoulder, feeling exhausted and weary by the clouds of gloom that hung over my head. Closing my eyes, we walked on in silence, step by step getting closer to my mother. I felt empty inside and wasn't sure how to handle this situation. It just isn't something Lynette Brooks would do.
One, I completely broke down in front of a boy. That's not me.
Two, that boy strangely made me feel better and to think he's only my tutor. That's not even close to me.
And three, here I was walking hand in hand, lacing my fingers with his, while we walked toward my mother.
It felt wrong of me to do this. I felt like I was betraying who I am especially when that boy is Ethan Kenneth Marks. But at the same time, as wrong as it might be, I liked this feeling that was starting to grow from inside my chest. I don't know what it is and I don't know how it came there but I was hoping it wouldn't leave.
I opened my eyes and noticed the path to her grave was the path to my left. Lifting my head of his shoulder and letting go of his hand, I stepped forward and walked on the trail towards her.
In only a few minutes, I was standing in front of her. Her name was printed in gold across the smooth marble and I knew this was not right. She shouldn't be there. She deserved more then just the carving of her name on some special stone. She deserved to be here on Earth with dad and me.
My knees buckled and I fell to the ground. My shoulders shook and tears flowed freely down my face as I broke down for the second time today.
"Why'd you leave? Why'd you go? You belong here, with me! It's all my fault isn't it? I shouldn't have let you! I should have-have done s-something. It's unf-fair."
My head lifted and my tears flowed down my cheeks in even a faster rate then before. My hands traced the engravement of her name on the tombstone and I muttered the words that were coming from my heart out to the world, but more importantly to her.
"I believed God was unfair, that he never let things happen the right way. But Mom, I was wrong. It was me. I was being unfair to you and to myself. It's not his fault. M-mom, M-mom I...Mommy, I miss you."
My breath slowly came more calm and no longer gasping, my tears now flowing more in control. I continued tracing her name and speaking to her in a whisper, telling her how much things have changed since she left and how I wanted her here.
It was only then that I noticed his presence behind me. I turned my head around and saw him turn his back to me. A small smile came to my face as I thought of how much he's helped me. How was I going to repay him?
"Thank you, Ethan...thank you...thank you so much...thank you..."
I don't know how many times I repeated that phrase to him but it was all I could do with what I had left of me. I returned to my mom after a few times of thanking him and smiled at her, my tears no longer on my face and a new bright light shining inside my heart, not afraid of the darkness anymore.
The moments went by slowly but not in a way that was boring or painful. I had time to savor the memories with my mom now as I spoke to her of my life without her. She might not be here with me physically, but I knew she was here, sitting opposite me, stroking my face as she once had before and listening. I felt her soul, her very spirit near me.
But time can't always hold the desires of a human heart. Time has its own destiny to fulfill, one that does not intervene with ours. I returned back to the gates of the cemmetery and saw Ethan waiting for me, leaning against the wall, a smile that illuminated his face.
When I was closer to him, I smiled back at him as he reached his hand out for me to hold. A cab was waiting for us outside the gates and as we got on, a sudden calm washed over me.
I felt like I'd just had an epiphany, an experiece of self-discovery. Maybe visiting mom more would not be a bad idea.
I rested my head on his shoulder again as the cab came to life and drove us back home. I closed my eyes, reliving the past few hours with my mom. This sudden bliss reigned over my spirit and I knew it wasn't going to leave in quite some time.
The cab lurched to a stop and I got out, never letting go of Ethan's hand. He said a few words to the driver, telling him to wait. Then we both walked up to my house, past the gates and the fountains in the garden. Night-time had come as the moon shined above us, illuminating the pathway that lead to the front porch of my house. Once we were there, I stopped and turned around to face him.
His bluish-gray orbs sparkled as his dirty blonde hair shone in nature's night light.
"Thank you Ethan," I whispered again, looking up at him.
He smiled at me and nodded.
"Good night Lynette."
And with that he stepped back, the smile still on his face and was about to leave but I tugged at his hand and he turned around to face me, question marks in his eyes. I reached up and brushed my lips against his soft cheek. I hugged him one more time and then stepped back, opened the front door and went into my house.
That night when I feel asleep, the last image that flickered in my mind before I let go was not of my mother but of Ethan, my geeky tutor. But no longer was he just the image of the know-it-all nerd who tutored me. Strangely, he was more then that. When I thought of him, a smile came on my face immediately. When I thought of him, I felt protected.
He was my guardian angel.
Seasons are changing and waves are crashing
And stars are falling for us
Days grow longer and nights grow shorter
I can show you, I'll be the one