Snow White and the Seven "Little People"

There once was a woman known to all her friends as Snow White, now this was only because she only ever wore a huge fluffy wedding dress because she was a hopeless romantic. Not that it was very white any more because she worked for the Queen and the chemicals and bleach had made it mottled and grey, but she kept the name because she liked it. She eventually changed it by deed poll.

One day, she was speaking to the butler at the castle and he thought he only whispered but he said "Snow White, you're so much more beautiful than the Queen - Her fiancé is blind not to see that."

Unbeknownst to Snow White both the Queen and her fiancé heard and she asked him every night. Every time her renounced his love for her but every night she knew he was lying because he caught him one day looking up Snow White's dress.

So she hired a hit-man known only as "The Woodsman" because he used a special type of bullet with wooden splinters inside as calling card. His job was to kill Snow White.

The Woodsman took Snow White out on dates, befriended her - knowing his gruesome task. But while on a walk through the forests he got down on one knee and told her - "I love you Snowy, I was originally hired to kill you and to do that I was to get you to trust me. But I grew to like you, in fact, I love you - Will you marry me?"

Snow White was originally taken aback but said yes. They devised a plan to hide Snow White until he could assassinate the Queen. He took her into the forest and told her of an old cottage that was abandoned, he bought her food and blankets so she wouldn't die.

Snow White made her way to the cottage and let herself in with a key she was told underneath the doormat. She was very tired so she fell asleep immediately on the bed.

suddenly she was shaken and awoke to 7 faces staring at her. "Who are you?"

"We're the owners of this house you're in."

"Can I stay?"

"No."

"But I need to - The Queen wants me dead!"

The little men conferred and eventually told her she can cook and clean and mend our clothes while they work. "And we'll have £100 in rent a month too! We'll be home at 6pm and we'll get ready for dinner and expect it on the table."

"Thank you. But you're all identical septuples - how will I tell you apart? I can't call you all midget."

"We aren't midgets!" said the one with glasses, "we're little people!"

"Sorry."

"Well I'm Stephen, and I'm a doctor, so call me Steve the Doc." said the one in glasses.

"I'm Robert, and I have terrible hayfever, so if you want me just shout for Bob the Sneezy."

"Can I just use your nicknames? Like Doc and Sneezy?"

"Sure." Said Doc.

"Excuse me I'm the next oldest I should go next!- I'm George and..." He was cut off.

"He's a grumpy old bugger - just call him misery guts."

"Hey! I'm a - who cares? Just call me Grumpy."

"JUgygduifgjfghjfggf."

"What was that?"

"Oh that's Kevin , he has such severe learning difficulties he can't speak - we all call him Dopey, mother specifically said Retard wasn't nice."

"My turn - I'm Dave, and erm, erm - You're pretty." He blushed bright red.

"He's is so bashful - you're lucky he even spoke let alone stuttered!" Grumpy said.

"I'll call him Bashful then." 

"Suit yourself. We all called him Dave."

"Anyway I'm *yawn* zzzzzzzzzzzzz"

"he's Fred - he's narcoleptic, Just call him Sleepy."

"Hiya - wow you're so nice, the sky is so pretty - is that a double rainbow?"

"That's Victor - He's on some sort of anti-depressant pill and he's just Happy."

So - It's Doc, Sneezy, Grumpy, Sleepy, Dopey, Bashful and Happy."

"Yep. That's about it."

"I can remember those."

"Good - Now make us some dinner." Grumpy muttered.

Snow White cleaned and cooked, fixed clothes and paid her rent to the "little people".

Meanwhile, The Queen was delighted that Snow White was dead and married her philandering fiancé. The woodsman was visiting Snow White one day and saw all the men. He was so jealous he killed them all.

Snow White and he lived in the house together and had many children.

 

The End.

The End

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