20 Months

The dreams left Anna feeling confused, and being springtime, this confusion was enhanced with the sudden influx of tiny humans.  Maybe she was just noticing them now because of her state of mind, but it seemed to her that everyone was having kids around her.  Even her dad, well into his forties, had just welcomed a new little one into the world.  It was hard for Anna to watch him be a doting father with her new sibling, since she had missed out on that connection when he and her mother split up soon after her birth.  

What is so great about having babies anyway, she wondered. They all come out looking the same, while everyone fawns over how cute they look, and then it's the parents' chance to mold them into little replicas of their ideal selves while the generic baby features mold into physical replicas.  Again, pure selfishness.  

And new parents get all weird with their 'parent speak.'  

"How old is this absolutely adorable little one?" the tv host asked the young couple.  

"She's 20 months," the mother answered.  

Anna rolled her eyes and yelled at the tv.

"Why the hell don't you just say almost two years?"   They were purposely trying to exclude the non-breeders from the conversation by speaking in this code, she thought.  She asked her mother about this irritating phenomena which apparently exists because certain milestones in a child's development are known to happen at certain months and this way of referring to the age of the child gives everyone an idea of what that child should be capable of doing.  Some sort of sick competition.  Sickos.  Anna wasn't even going to begin thinking about the fact that this poor child on the tv had been immortalized in some highly embarrassing situation that had just been broadcast into thousands of homes all for a shot at the $10,000 jackpot for funniest home video.   

According to her mother's great legend by just 24 months Anna had been able to recite nearly 50 different words.  Credit for this major accomplishment was given to Anna's grandmother who would sit her down every time the new Sears catalogue arrived and read through it, pointing out each item as she said the words.  Pillow.  Chair.  Towel.  

Genius.

 

 

 

 

The End

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