That's what was going through his mind at the moment. He thought of his life, about how good it actually good it is and how much he hates himself. All the good friends he needs and all the family that gives him what he wants, yet he hates himself. As he passed through the kitchen to get a drink of water all he could hear was the people enjoying themselves. He could see them all laughing, toasting, drinking the afternoon. He asked himself:
"What's wrong with me?
He was blind, blinded by his bittersweet memories he felt were cursed and tainted. That was his biggest enemy, himself and all his memories. He takes a drink of water and Alma sits on the counter behind him.
"So what do you think?" she said with an eager smile. "Is it enough for your high standards?"
He grins but doesn't laugh, he sees her and thinks he's not worthy of her friendship, not worthy of this place. He goes up to his room to check on his e-mails given the fact that he hasn't touched his laptop in two months. While he goes up to his room, a visitor arrives, he wears nothing but a suit. He asks around for Gidian. The only one that knew that he went to his room was Alma. He asks her to where he went and she pointed the way. He heads up the stairs and enters Gidian's room.
"Grandpa!?" Gidian cries with joy. His grandfather opens his arms and embraces his grandson.
"How have you been Gidian?" he sits down with the boy he hasn't seen in more than five years.
"I've been good y'know, just writing here on my laptop and just work I guess." he tells the grandfather with a false smile.
"Oh for christ sake boy, I'm seventy two years old, you think I can't tell when you're lying?" he said with such disgust.
As he looks at his grandson he steps away from the bed they were sitting on and thought to himself what could be going on in his mind. All he could think of were the stories Gidian told him in the letters he sent him. All the stories about how he met a wonderful girl and how they ended up seperating ways so quickly. The old man rests his hands on Gidian's shoulders and tells him:
"Listen son, whatever has happened you should tell me right now."
Gidian looks up and sees the gray coloured eyes of his grandfather. He knows there is no hiding from this anymore, he knows that he can't lie to the man who has been in his life everytime he has needed him. He takes a deep breath and tells him:
"I tried to kill myself, I've only been to so few psychologists and they've all diagnosed me with severe maximum depression and I haven't been taking my pills because they just make it worse."
The old man takes his hands off his grandson and puts them on his hips. His teeth were clenching, his eyes were trained on Gidian as he was lowering his head in shame. He walks around his room, picks up a portrait of Mary Ann from the desk next to Gidian's bed and throws it against the wall. No one downstairs could listen a thing that was going on in Gidian's room. The old man in the suit goes to his grandson and tells him with a stern voice:
"May this be the last time I hear that you have done something like this because of one girl broke your heart, forget the psychologists and pills, I know exactly what you need and you will not have a say in it, understood?"
Gidian nods as he tries not to break down in tears. Feeling like a waste to his grandfather who has always been a strong man who fought in the cold war. He who taught him how to be a strong person, a man of action. He lifts up his grandson and and puts his hands on his cheeks and tells him:
"Let's go down and eat, I'm sure your mother has made some of her famous meat loaf, god knows how much I hate it." he says with a smile on his face.
Gidian grins and stands up, he walks towards his grandfather who pats him on the back and they both walk down the stairs. Everybody is setting the table up, Gidian's mother, Mrs. Angela James, calls every one at the terrace to come to the dinner table. They had to push two tables together for everybody to sit down. Alma and Gidian's cousin, Cole, were putting the trays and bowls of food on the table and everybody sat down.
Everybody ate from the delicious cooking skills of Gidian's mother, his cousins were talking about their time in Europe and one of them about his time in the war. Gidian's friends were drinking and laughing at all the weird impressions his cousins made. Then his grandfather tipped his glass and stood up to say:
"Everybody, I would like to let you all know that I am taking Gidian here to stay with me in Ireland. It has come to my attention that this boy needs some real excitement."
Everybody was left surprised but no speechless. Gidian's father, Leto James, was thrilled with the idea of them having some bonding time. Everybody was commenting on how good an idea was. Then his started asking if one of them could come. The old man said with a smile on his face:
"You're welcome to come aboard, the mroe the merrier I always say."
Alma looked at Gidian with a face of uncertainty. She knew he didn't plan for this but she also thought it was a good idea for him to move along with his life. The cousins were all joking about how Gidian is the favorite of the family. His mother was talking about how he needed to pack. Gidian was still having an open mouth, he didn't know that he would plan this. He wouldn't ever suspect his grandfather would come up with such an idea.
"Gidian go upstairs and pack, we'll leave tomorrow in the morning. Don't forget anything and bring a book or something, it is a long flight." the grandfather said it as if Gidian didn't have a choice to which at this point he didn't.
As Gidian's mother put the dishes to wash, everybody was saying their farewells. Gidian's cousins were letting them know what a great time they had, his father had wished him well on his trip to Ireland. His friends were leaving with only a goodbye and a slap on the hand. All except for Dale and Alma, they shared the home together.
"You're gonna have a great trip my boy, I promise you will." His grandfather said while reaching for his keys from his pocket.
His mother, done with the dishes, gave him the biggest hug and kissed his cheek. His father was calling out ton her from the car, hurrying her to leave with him. She walked away waving goodbye to her son. As everybody left, Gidian and his friends finaly had some time to rest.