EllyMature

I don't have much to live for, these days. Elly is about it. And if I do go past sixteen, it'll be for her. But you're not the won I have fought for for a year. The one I have consoled almost every night. The one I spoke to when we were both in tears, the one I convinced that everything will be okay. I hate that. I hate what I did. We both know it really won't be okay. I hate that I can't do anything with my words for her, there just isn't enough. Because some days I need to not be strong enough, and have it at that. And some days I just need to do things on my own.

Let me rephrase all of that.

I don't have much to live for, these days. Elly is about it. I don't believe I'll live past sixteen, and if I do, it'll be for her. She's the one that I have fought for for a year. The one I have consoled almost every night. The one I spoke to when we were both in tears, the one I convinced that everything will be okay. And I hate that, I hate what I did. We both know it won't ever really be okay. I hate that I can't do anything with my words for her, there isn't enough. Some days I need to not be strong enough, and have it at that. And some days I need to do things on my own. I want so badly to save her, to save all of them. But you can't save everyone, and I wish so desperately that I could. And I wish that things like this weren't so hard. But they are, and it's really killing me. I wish that it didn't hurt for them. I wish I could make everything easier for them. Even though some things have to be difficult to teach them things. I just wish, for them, that things could be better. That they didn't/don't have to feel the way I do/did. I just want them to be okay.

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