Beth looked up at him in silence. She didn’t know what else to say, and she didn’t think that he did either. He stepped aside to let her pass. She nodded her thanks to him and carried on down the corridor. She kept her head bowed and hoped she didn’t run into anybody else; she knew tears were imminent.
When she got to the room she had shared with Robert for a few days two months ago, she went in and collapsed against the door. She turned the lock, shutting out the rest of the world.
She felt the tears begin their rapid, relentless descent down her cheeks. Her mind was overloaded with too many conflicting emotions that it hurt to try and process them all. She was happy because she was, indeed, pregnant with Robert’s child; she was miserable because he wasn’t there to share the moment with her. She had finally found a reason why she didn’t really fit in with her family, she wasn’t really one of them; yet she was more lost than ever because she didn’t have Robert to help her understand all this.
She could sense the sob trying to claw its way up her throat, ruthless and insistent. She fought back as she crawled over to the chest of drawers. She pulled herself up and opened one of the drawers. They were all still full of Robert’s clothing. The sob scratched even harder at her throat, desperate to be unleashed upon the world. She clamped her lips together, fighting frantically against it.
She pulled out a t-shirt and some loose sweatpants. Tugging off her clothes, she dressed in Robert’s things before inching over to the bed.
She finally let loose the horrible sob into the pillows, the material muffling the sound a little. Even to her own ears, it sounded like some sort of animal, keening for its lost mate. It wasn’t quite the anguished howl of the wolf, or the cry of the tortured coyote. It wasn’t even the agonised roar of the lion torn from its family. It was something much more broken-hearted.
She knew that surrounding herself with his scent wasn’t going to help her in the long term but all she knew was that it momentarily comforted her. She was more than aware that her heart would only throb further still once she left the small bubble of protection that was the bed.
As her sobs died down, her eyelids began to droop. Grief was terribly exhausting.