"You're meant to lose the people you love. How else would you realize how much they mean to you?"
I'll admit it, I fucked up - big time. It was never my intention to hurt Jessica, ever. She was the biggest chunk in my life for the longest time, and I kept having these thoughts that if I left her in, and let her see me vulnerable - she'd leave. Jessica has told me before that I have trust issues, and it's quite obvious that I do. But there are reasons behind that, and only the guys back home know about it.
My hometown is in Ottawa, where I used to party every other day; get high, get drunk, get laid. One night, I met a girl at a local bar, her name was Julie. We went back to my place, fooled around, got it in. But it wasn't like the other one night stands I've had. I actually felt something for this girl, for the first time in my life, I felt something for somebody other than family. We dated for a while, Julie and I. I had never been so happy. Until she fucked me over, and cheated on me. That it why I don't trust, and why I over - analyze basically everything.
Man, I must've been really absentminded a year and a half ago. I never would of thought that a girl like her could like a guy like me. So, I took the easy way out, and left. Fuck, I'm such a coward. If only I could get another chance at happiness with her. I want to be able to let her into my life, and let her see the real me withouit having to worry that I'll leave.
I'm making my way through the crowded hallway, trying to dodge the assorted weird students, and the occasional teacher. I need to get out of here and have a smoke. Skipping class isn't really something I generally do, but I wouldn't be able to stand it today. So many thoughts and voices are running through my head, at the moment - I feel as if I'm schizophrenic, and they won't leave.
"Hey man!" Cory, my ignorant friend, stops me just as I'm about to head out the door. "Where are you going?"
I sigh, leaning against a locker. "Home, to blaze up. I need to forget about some shit." I already predict he'll ask to come, before he does.
"Sick, can I come? Sounds fun." He grins at me. It's sickening. I hate when fake people, plaster fake smiles, all over their fake faces like I'm a part of their sick little puppet show. It's so.. fake. I need to be alone right now, as weird as it is for a guy to say, I need to think.
"Just fuck off, Cory. I'm not in the mood." I snap at him, and stride quickly out the front doors. He calls after me but I ignore him as I take out my phone and send a text.
"Hey beautiful, I'm sorry. I'm an asshole, I know. I never meant to hurt you,. I wouldn't blame you if you never want to talk again." Sent. Now we wait.