That night was torturing and sleepless.
I hoped Heidi would see my side of it, hoped she would realise I had only good intentions. Most of all, I hoped she realised the right thing.
The weekend dragged slowly, despite my family taking David and I to museums and the cinema, trying to give me a fuller life as possible. Which was close to impossible, I was not yet done being a kid.
On monday, Heidi was later and I began to wonder if she was too traumatised to face me. I should have known my best friend better.
When she came in, she had eyes only for me and mine found hers. Her eyes were yearning and aching, so much so that I wished I could bury the tumor and have it go away forever. I nodded once, reading her mind. Subtly she choked back a small sob and walked over to join us, conversing easily with her friends as if nothing was wrong.
She cornered me in ICT.
"Why did you do it? What... You don't even... How?" She stuttered, all her previous confidence gone.
"I don't what? Don't know her? Heidi, Dana needed me, even though she asked for nothing. You know me, Heidi, you know I had to help her. It's just my nature." I pleaded, craving her forgiveness and understanding as if it was the very air I breathed.
"But... I need you here."
Her revelation shocked me. Waves of regret and sorrow stabbed through my veins, clawing at my gut and twisting it into an uncomfortable position. Never had it even occurred to me that I meant as much to her as she did to me.
"I'm so sorry." I pulled her into my arms, her head resting comfortably, and yet more urgently than ever before, in the base of my neck. Her hair smelt of shampoo as she convulsed against me. There si nothing quite like the embrace of two people who need each other; who's lives depend entirely on the others existence. Ones who know that allegiance would have to end soon.