Great, now I had achieved everything I set out to accomplish, everyone knew about my condition. The only one left was the one I had been putting off. Robert. Would he understand how I now have a brain tumor and his sister is miraculously getting better by the day? Would he put two and two together? Did I even want him to know; I did not want him thinking it was his fault I must die.
And then there was Dana, I had to see her.
I picked up my mobile.
'Wanna go for a walk?'
'Ok. B round urs in a sec. Luv you.' Came his reply.
I wasn't really in the mood to go for a walk, but I had to tell him off the beaten track, so to speak. From all my years of camping and hiking, I had accumulated many pairs of hard wearing trousers, so I slipped into a pair of them. Uncaring whether they matched or not, I shoved on a jumped and sat by the front door. For ten minutes I pondered what I would say to him. It was not as straightforward as with my friends; it would be just him and me and he would know the connection.
The doorbell startled me, I had half hoped his mum would have made him stay in at such a late hour. Apparently she hadn't. I opened the door with a smile on my face and he smiled back. For a moment, I forgot all about my life as I gazed at his smile that had always turned my legs to jelly.
"Shall we go then?" He asked cheerfully.
I had been right. This was going to be much harder than I first thought.
"Sure." I took his hand and stepped out of the door.
We walked up the little track that wound itself wound the hill that cast shadows over the valleys below, now overcast with development and concrete.
Idly, we talked about how we were, school and each other until we got to the top when it was pitch black.
"Well, are you going to tell me why you called me out here at this time of day?" He looked down at me, a slight sheen of sweat covering his face.
"How did you-?" I gasped.
"I know you, Alli!" He laughed, "You're not the same when something's eating you up."
I bit my lip at his terminology, knowing he would soon be kicking himself for it.
"You're right, there is something wrong, not between us." I reassured him at the look on his face and sat down on the grass.
The view stretched out for miles; street lamp snakes curling around the streets like a glow in the dark map. Oh how I ached to be in normal circumstances. I felt him sit beside me, his shoulders half an inch from mine. Craning my neck around, I kissed him.
"You're going to hate me." I whispered although I didn't need to, there was no one to eavesdrop.
"Well we won't know that until you tell me, will we?"
"I suppose not," i took a deep breath, "Rob, I had to go to the doctors about these headaches I've been having," His muscles tensed and he went utterly rigid, "And we got the results back the other day. Rob, you can't hate me-"
"Don't say it, please, it can't be that, anything but that!" He drew away from me.
"But it is. Rob, i have a tumor too." There was no way I could have imagined a worse scenario.
"No, no. You can't, not both of you." He stood up, shaking his head in disbelief.
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." I said, as he pulled me into his chest.
"Why do both of you have to go through this, why the two people I love?" He cried, not to me, more to God, even though he was not a believer. I just looked up at him, our eyes sinking into each other.
"No, you couldn't," Rob stuttered unconvincingly, "How is it-No, it's not possible." My heart was imploding as he discovered my deadly secret. In an answer to which he already knew, I pulled out my silver cross that always hung round my neck.
"Why?" He tore the necklace from my grip and cast it aside. I was about to protest when he grabbed my waist and pulled me into his again, his lips searching for mine.