Tired miserable and damp, Kal bedded down for the night next to a fire that was almost as unhappy as he was. As he closed his weary eyes he heard a little voice.

"Excuse me."

This had to have been Kal's imagination no monster would have been polite enough to say excuse me. He just thought his mind was playing tricks on him and decided sleep was an even more important idea that before.

"Excuse me!"

His imagination was certainly being persistent, to the point were it was starting to sound mildly annoyed. He would make a point of calming himself down and warning it against future breaches of his conciousness in the morning.

"Oi!!"

The last comment was followed by a rather harsh thud and a coursing pain running through his skull. Knowing imaginations didn't as a rule physically abuse there owners he sat bolt upright. There was a little green creature with big bat's wings holding an inordinately large book hovering just above him. It wasn't looking best pleased and was brandishing the tome like a club.

"Wha ... what are you? You're a dream right? Little green creatures don't go round hitting people with books."

THUD

"Do I look like a dream! Do you know who I am!"

You're an abusive figment of my...

THUD

"No I am The Code Imp." Said the creature calmly. "And you've just infringed on it."

Kal who's brain was starting to feel like a marble in a big empty jar  simply smiled and  groped about for his axe. If this wasn't  a dream or something he was imagining it wouldn't mind too much if he cut it into lots of little bits and used its book as more material for the fire.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you."

"Oh and why's that then?"

"Infringes on the code ... bad things happen if you infringe on the code."

Kal sighed. He was was too tired for this but he thought it only right to ask before he dismembered the little bugger.

"The code? What code?"

THUD!

He gripped the haft of his axe tighter.

"The adventurers code you dolt and if you keep doing it it'll be worse for you. You're not an adventurer."

"I know. Thats the problem I'm just a ..."

THUD!!

"Don't interrupt me! You're a hero. Which means you have to abide by the adventurer's code and the hero's code which you also keep breaking."

The odd little creature took a deep breath as the book magically opened infront of it.

"Page three hundred and fifty. Paragraph two. Subsection B. "All adventurers must pick up ever item dropped by any enemy even if they can't carry them so they can be encumbered later when deathly peril strikes." I hope you're planning on taking with you all the things you've just dropped. You can't break the code it's has very harsh penalties."

"Such as?"

Kal was really thinking strongly about shoving that book somewhere the imp would never be able to read from it again.

"Such as you die and you don't get remembered and your family think you were a coward. Oh and the world ends."

"The what?"

"The world ends. You know. The world? Big spinny thing? We live on it?"

"Yes I know what it is. Why does it end?"

"Well you can't save it from the impending evil if you're dead can you?"

"This being the impending evil that didn't exist until you just mentioned it?"

"Yes. Now you're getting the picture. The big impending evil that will raise armies all over the place in exactly ten years from now after you and your companions have been on lots of adventures and are ready to become hero's of legend."

"Oh yes that one ... Er ... I get companions?"

"Of course you do. It's in the code ... every hero has to have companions. I can't remember exactly where. You'll have to ask The Hero Code fairy."

Another little voice appeared behind Kal who was wishing he was troll food.

"It's chapter one item four actually."

The imp nodded.

"Thankyou. So are you going to behave, have a restless night's sleep full of nasty dreams and carry all those useless items with you in the morning or am I going to magic you somewhere really unpleasant?"

Kal thought for a moment.

"And what if I just cut you in two?"

"Oh thats easy. Two of me will magic you somewhere really unpleasant."

The fairy slammed the book shut showering everywhere in dust that didn't seem to be present before and waited for Kal to answer.

If he did as he was told his life had just gotten a whole lot worse. If he didn't and broke the code again or killed the little beasties his life would get a whole lot worse.  In this instance, however, he would never again be beaten by a book or berated by an evil magical pixie with a bad attitude. He smiled inwardly.

He could just lie to it. Wouldn't do any harm...

 

 

 

RATE THIS BRANCH!

We kept the facts quiet out of respect for his reputation.

excerpt from Outsmart   by redhat