"She left her fathers castle gate,
She left her own fine lover
She left her servants and her state,
to follow the gypsy rover"
Cholphus sat, solemnly aware that something was wrong with the world. He watched the animals of the woods as they scurried to and fro, and pondered on the trouble that he had to stop, the problem he had to solve.
He was an outcast among the fairies. As all his comrades flew throughout the majestic forest, Cholphus stayed on the ground. He didn't lack wings, but he had too much weight. His round shape called for an awkward flight, and his petite wings could no longer support his gluttonous stature. At the most, he could levitate an inch or two off the ground. Due to this condition, Cholphus would often be left out of the fairy activities and games, and he was constantly berated by the malevolent ones who flew with incredible facility that made Cholphus turn red with anger, and shout random obscenities that seemed to make no sense at all.
"Sup Slow-phus?", one of the flying fairies said as he swooped passed Cholphus and knocked him to the ground with a swift push to the back.
"Butt-sex!", Cholphus shouted as he struggled on the ground. He soon lifted himself off the ground and began to wipe the dirt and leaves off of him when suddenly, his mind struck a light-bulb moment. Soon everything became crystal clear to him and he reveled in joy. "I got it!" he shouted as everything he had to do came to him.
"Got what, fatty?", the same fairy laughed as he again swooped down and knocked Cholphus to the ground.
"God dammit, Shit!"
Together they sat, in a cold stone dungeon, which was guarded by a thin, yet toned, soldier with strawberry blond hair. For eight hours they were held up in that dungeon with nothing to entertain them except the cocky soldier who couldn't talk about anything that didn't pertain to himself.
"So I got this girl right, and boy let me tell you is she hot. By far one of the sexiest girls in the entire kingdom. Anyway, my old friend has been hung up on her for months now, and just doesn't seem to understand that she's not interested.", he would say, without even the slightest inkling that the boy and Kerns were not paying close attention. However, what he had just said was heard by both.
'So you're just making it worse?", Kerns questioned the soldier.
"What?", the guard blurted as his head swiftly spun around.
"You're breaking your friends heart.", the boy coldly whispered. He seemed to have a personal vendetta against these kinds of people.
"His heart was already broken!", the soldier pleaded.
"Yeah, but you're just making it worse!" the boy shouted.
"Who asked you anyway?", the soldier responded as he slowly spun his head forward. "Fuck him".
"I'm sure he's thinking the same about you".
"What do I care?".
"He probably hates your guts!", the boy said as his voice crescendoed louder.
"What do I care!?", the soldier said as he grew impatient.
"He probably dreams about slitting your throat!". The boy walked closer to the bars of the dungeon and pressed his face in-between two.
"Shut up!", the soldier shouted as he stood and turned around to face the boy. "Shut up!".
"Hmm, you'd look good with a slit mark right about here.", the boy laughed as he extended his arm out to touch the soldiers neck. In an instant, the soldier grabbed the boys arm with such truculent force that it sent shivers up his spine. In another instant however, the boy jumped backwards, bringing the soldier with him whose head knocked against two bars at the same times, as he proceed by falling to the ground out cold. Kerns stood in awe at the spectacle he just witnessed, as the boy rapidly searched the soldiers body, eventually finding the key to the cell.
"Jesus Christ!", Kerns shouted. The boy put his index finger in front of his lips and whispered,
"Did you plan that?" Kerns whispered back.
"Not until he grabbed my arm", the boy nonchalantly responded. "I just didn't like him, the key was an added bonus.". He smiled as he used it to unlock the cell door.
"Jesus that guard was dumb", Kerns laughed.
"Well if you think about it, even the most invulnerable guards can fall victim to sly trickery."
Big Bear slowly sat, now back at home, taking drags from an apple-tobacco filled pipe, while remaining consciously oblivious to the blood that was now stained on his shirt. It laid as a reminder in his mind, a reminder he wanted to remember for now. As he inhaled, he closed his eyes, trying to remember exactly what happened. It all seemed to happen so fast, and it was difficult for him to pin-point the minute details, if there were any. Even the colors of the thugs shirts seemed important. He remembered grabbing the middle-mans wrist moments before the knife was about to enter his side, and twisted it in such a ferocious matter that left the middle-man screaming in agonizing pain, and then he screamed no more. He breathed no more. His brain processed no more thoughts, and his eyes rested open, starring into everything, but seeing nothing.
Knocking at the door soon became audible as Big Bear exhaled the smoke he had previously inhaled, and slowly eased his way out of his easy chair. He took minor cub steps to the door, as he quickly finished the pipe off, and set it aside on the side table. The knocking grew even louder and intolerable.
"I'm coming!" Big Bear roared venomously, and with that the knocking ceased. When Big Bear opened the door he was greeted by two of the Kings soldiers, fully guarded and ready to take him out with only a will to do so. He waited, starring them down. The soldier on the right was of average heigh, with short brown hair perched upon his skull. His facial expressions made him seem amicable and actually quite likable. At first glance, Big Bear despised him.
"Hello Mr. Bear", one of the soldiers timidly greeted him.
"Call me Big Bear", he replied sneeringly. The silent soldier on the left quivered cowardly, as Big Bear continued to pierce his eyes into him, perforating his courage.
"My apologies, Big Bear", the other soldier replied, and suddenly stopped short, freezing in his posture. His eyes were locked upon Big Bears chest, Big Bear knew he was fucked.
"Wh....Wha....What is that?" the solider on the left stuttered.
"What is what?" Big Bear sighed. The soldier pointed towards the blood stained shirt that was being worn by the massive creature in front of him. Big Bear looked down, as if he hadn't previously known that there was a crimson stain on his white shirt. He opened his eyes wide with fabricated puzzlement.
"Oh, I was eating eggs."
"I don't see how that explains it sir."
"Ketchup?" Big Bear inquired.
"You eat eggs with ketchup?", the soldier began laughing.
"Yessum", Big Bear cleared his throat. "Yes I do."
"Say that again." Big Bear snarled. "I couldn't hear you.". He smiled as he watched the grimace plastered on the smart ass soldiers face become expunged.
"So do I", the soldier whimpered.
"What are you wasting my time for!?" Big Bear shouted with booming exuberance.
"We just thought we'd inform you of a recent matter of the more, grim nature." the cowardly soldier quickly blurted out in an attempt to calm the bear down. "There was a murder around here last night. Three men were stabbed to death."
"I know.", Big Bear sighed.
Big Bear slammed the door shut, and quickly returned to his easy-chair.
Kerns slipped out into the open, and searched left to right. He scanned the entire area, making sure there were no obstacles in his way. At the end of his thorough search, he snapped, and The Boy appeared by his side. They set off running, sticking low to the ground as they scaled the walls of the narrow hall-way. From time to time they heard footsteps and at that sound, hit the ground, waiting for the steps to fade away and cease. Kerns finagled his way through the maze of hallways with incredible facility.
"How do you know where to go?" The Boy asked at a low whisper.
"I come here fairly often" Kerns silently responded. "Don't worry I won't fail you", and at that Kerns took a sharp left, walking straight into the chest of the Kings most trusted knight, Degzano. "Shit!" Kerns cried.
"You dip..." The Boy roughly blurted but was soon cut off by Degzano, whom yelled:
"Get em'!". At that, The Boy began his sprint down the hallway, followed by Kerns. "Get back here!"
"Screw that!" the boy yelled in response.
"Be reasonable!" Degzano pleaded. "We'll show mercy"
There's no way this prick is serious.
"That so?" The Boy mused on those words as he stopped in his tracks. However the knight kept running. He put out his arms to grab the boy, and the boy pushed out his foot the greet Degzano's face. Kerns stood in awe as his mouth hung slightly open.
"You're damn good at escaping." Kerns laughed as he witnessed The Boy's second succession in a more physical way of escaping treachery.
"I have a knack for it", he replied as him and Kerns took off running once again, to shake the following knights. "Are we almost out?"
"Oh well...after that little chase I really don't know where we are anymore.
"Dammit!" the boy pondered. "Follow me.". The Boy raced down the hallway. that clearly ended with a wall, and a 22 by 22 inch framed open window.
"No..." Kerns cried as he continued to follow. "No!"
"You can't be serious!" Kerns exclaimed.
"Better believe me this time, bud." The Boy encouraged, "Have precision, and for gods sake don't miss!". The Boy then dove for the window, nearly missing his target, followed by Kerns who knocked his knee, and screamed in agony the entire way down.
Her peaceful view was adulterated by a sight so recherche that she was positive that she had never seen something of that nature before. Out of the corner of her eye, she witnessed a swift movement from the air to the ground below, and as she turned to watch this spectacle it was already over. There were two bodies now on the ground, one laying on his side, rocking back and forth whilst holding his knee in some sort of physical agony that even she could sense from such a great distance away. The other was kneeling above him doing all in his power to relieve the other of his pain.
"He looks familiar.." The princess thought to herself, as she began to study his features more closely. He had longer hair than the one in pain, and stood at a height that exceeded his too. She tried to remember where she had seen this fellow before and then it hit her. "They escaped!".
For a moment she was taken back. She didn't know what to do and subconsciously opened her mouth to call the guards but quickly put her left hand over her mouth and became quiet. She thought to herself why she had previously aided the incarceration of these two peasants. They had done nothing wrong to her, in-fact he was merely trying to win her heart with the help of his curly haired friend. The course of action she had previously taken now stung her deep as she began to weep softly for the pain they were now in because of her.
Out of no where came a third character. He walked slowly, and appeared to be slightly over-weight, and had chubby features that almost made her giggle. Then, in a moment of great awe, she noticed something on his back. Like a bird, there were two wings sticking out of his shoulder-blades. For a moment she sat frozen, unaware of what to think, and she soon came to the conclusion that she needed to get to the bottom of these three surreal boys, and find out what they were up to. She reached under her bed, and came upon the tied bed-sheets she had used time and time again to escape the likes of her father and regality, and walk among the normal culture of the land. Now, she had a different purpose. She threw the latter end of the sheets down, and tied the one in her hands to a bed-post. Carefully, she eased her way out of the window and repelled with great facility down the side of the castle. Finally, she reached the bottom, and turning left, saw the three she came to see, walking away into the night, and she quietly followed without thinking of what could come next.
"So, who are you again?" Kerns questioned as he walked alongside the boy with wings, whom he had just met.
"My name's Cholphus, and I was sent here to help you"
"Alright, by whom?" Kerns again questioned.
"What?" Cholphus asked.
"Who sent you here to help us?"
"No one, silly!" Cholphus chuckled as his round cheeks bounced up and down. The Boy stared at Cholphus with riveting curiosity, for he had never met anyone so entertaining, and at the same time so absolutely absurd.
What is wrong with this kid. He seems to find comedy out of everything. If he's our only hope...
"Well", The Boy sighed. "Where t-"
"You know I really like comedy.", the comical fairy laughed even more. The Boy watched Cholphus as he waned the power of his laughing to a dull giggle, and tried to force out an explanation. "We have to get you far away from here, quickly. They will be looking for you."
"Wait, who will be looking for me?" The Boy questioned as an eerie feeling of danger began to creep up his spine.
"No, not me!" Cholphus laughed. "Us!".
"What's so funny about this!" The Boy yelled as his patience for this new figure rapidly grew thin.
"What do you mean....us?" Kerns timidly asked as he suddenly began to fear for his life.
"You thought you're off the hook too?" Cholphus said as he burst out laughing. "How dumb can you be, stupid!". Kerns grew a distraught look as he realized he couldn't return to his father's farm.
"What do they want us so bad for?" The Boy asked. "We were only singing to the princess."
"That's not what the King and half the fucking kingdom think you dumb-ass." Cholphus explained with unnecessary berating.
"Well....what do they think then?". Cholphus stared at the Boy with pity in his eyes.
"They think you murdered three men." he responded. The Boy stood and stared at Cholphus with widened eyes. "You're so oblivious, aren't you?" Cholphus laughed.
"Stop...fucking....laughing." The Boy said intimidatingly. Cholphus only returned with a slight chuckle. The Boy sighed.
If I have to deal with this awful jack-ass any longer, I just might kill myself.
"You might not wanna do that." Cholphus smiled. "Even if I am such a jack-ass."