Professor McGonagall is a busy woman. She said so herself at times when paperwork reached their peak.
The late morning sunshine crept its way through the ground and pushed through the glass windows of Hogwarts. It was a normal day, well, as normal as it should be in Hogwarts. Professor McGonagall raced through the staircase as she cradled her books and made her way through the grand hall.
Another day. Another busy boring day for Old McGonagall. She shook her head at the students who rushed past her to get to their classes and commented on how rude they were. “A simple good morning will perk up my day, thank you very much,” she muttered as she continued along with her busy boring walk to her class.
Transfiguration. Well, she quite like the subject very much and would like the children to learn something from it but all they do is talk with each other or snog. She shook her head again and turned left at a corridor leading to her classroom. I hope today’s going to be different, she thought to herself as she sighed and opened the door.
“Okay Class, stop talking so we could get on to business,” She said as she walked in the room. It was her busy boring old room with all the same stuff she put in there ages ago. Nothing really ever changed in that room, and that’s ironic for a transfiguration teacher, except for the students--- her happy hating students who would love to see her faint or get blasted by an “accidental” spell.
“Draco Malfoy, could you please hand Mr Longbottom his toad back?” she said raising an eyebrow at the gelled lad.
“What if I don’t want to, professor?” the lad with his blonde hair practically embedded into his skull spoke with an asshole-y tune to his voice.
“Well, if that’s the case Mr Malfoy, I have no choice but to turn you into a ferret,” Proffesor McGonagall said boring into the very depths of Malfoy’s soul with her steel cold eyes.
“My father will hear about this,” Ferret boy huffed and threw Neville’s toad back.
Neville scampered to catch his flying toad but only to fall on his face the moment he caught his precious toad.The Slytherin section of the class bellowed in giant laughter meanwhile the Gryffindor section spat cusses out like machine guns in a war.
“Look what you’ve done, you git!” Ronald Weasley shrilled like the ginger that he is at Draco.
“It’s not my fault he’s a clumsy idiot,” Draco said fist pumping Crabbe and Goyle.
Neville got up and sat down once again on his chair clutching his toad like a ring, a preeeeeciouuuus ring.
“Malfoy, do you want me to scramble your face with my fists?” Hermione Granger, the wise-ass witch, finally said something.
“No, but I’d like you to scramble my eggs if you know what I mean?” Draco the hood rat flashed his ridiculously white teeth that shone like moonlight whenever light touches it.
“Someone write a fanfic about this, OMG. I am so going to blog about this,” Parvati Patil whipped out her iParchment and started hooting (get it….tweeting? Okay) about the said topic.
“Shut up, you know very well that people ship Drarry more than Dramione,” Harry interjected with a jealous glare. Nobody saw that jealous glare because his disco ball glasses glinted in the sun like Edward-lets-not-bring-him-in-here.
“You jealous?” Ron asked Potter with his orange eyebrow raised.
“Hell no… I be smacking your sister’s ass when you and HG be snogging each other’s faces off,” Harry the ladies’ man said.
“Hold up, what?” Ron asked, flabbergasted.
“You can’t exclude me from this well organized fight!” Gel boy demanded.
“Oh shut up, Draco. Why don’t you transfer to Pigfarts and be “awesome” there,” Hermione Gangly dinosaur chirped.
“El Oh El, are we supposed to be funny?” Pansy Parkinson (disease) slurred like an emo kid.
“ENOUGH!” Professor McGonagall screamed (or maybe just you know, spoke loudly because her papery old throat can’t handle the vibrations of her vocal chords) and pinched the bridge of her nose with her bony hands. “You children are out of control, Hogwarts has never seen anything quite like you, you bumbling nincompoops.”
“Who uses the word nincompoop?” Someone from the Slytherin group whispered.
“I’d rather face you-know-who than actually spend time with you brats. Hogwarts students must be well-mannered and should be respected and should look respectable----Ms. Brown, please pull up those panties. Very well, as I was saying, you kids need to learn about respect and manners,” Professor Manners chimed.
“I thought this was Transfiguration,” Hermione said, realized her wise-assness, and bowed her head.
Professor McGonagall twitched her right eye a couple of times involuntarily and stared at Hermione like she was an Acromantula.
“You know what? Fine, you kids win… class dismissed,” Professor Mcgonagall said sadly as she sighed a deep troubled sigh.
“You’re such a total bitch, Professor,” Pansy said, rolling her eyes.
“What was that?” Mcgonagall asked dangerously.
“You’re a bitch!” Pansy shouted and with that she mysteriously disappeared.
“HOW VERY DARE YOU!” Professor McGonagall screamed.
Hermione Granger meanwhile banged her forehead on the table as Ron and Draco pried her out of her seat. Ron pushed Draco away, called him a git as Draco stroked his gelled hair, walked away while stealing a glance at Harry. Harry looked back at Draco, his glasses glinting, and looked away shyly.
Parvati squealed and took a photo of the two staring at each other with Hermione looking at Draco in the background and Ron raising a confused eyebrow. “Threesome!” she gave another squeal and ran away. Draco harrumphed and snapped his fingers, calling his bookends, Crabbe and Goyle, ushering him out of the room.
“Hermione, we need to talk,” said Harry as he took Hermione’s hand.
“What about?” Hermione asked.
“Don’t play dumb, Hermione. This isn’t high school,” Harry said not knowing what he’s talking about because he has never experienced high school.
“Harry… I have feelings for you, and Ron…and Draco,” Hermione said coyly, which is unlike her but what the hell!
Parvati zoomed right back in and screeched. “This is so going on Tumblr! I totes ship you and every guy here,” She said excitedly, chewing on a piece of gum, and ran back outside. “Padma! OMFG! Guess what?!”
While Parvati and her fangirling self relished the moment, Professor McGonagall slumped into her comfy chair and sighed, rubbing her forehead with her fingers.
“You guys go on ahead and talk. I’ll catch up,” Ron said looking at his professor with much care in his eyes.
And with that Harmione went away.
Ronald Weasley was a simple boy with simple needs and wants, he didn’t care much about fame just as long as he can eat plenty of food. He smiled cautiously at his troubled professor and asked himself, why did he stay?
Professor McGonagall raised an eyebrow as she noticed that Mr Weasley was still in the room. “Go away, Weasley. Can’t you see I’m upset?” she said with sorrow in her voice.
“I know, miss and I’m sorry---I mean, we’re all sorry,” he said awkwardly, shifting his weight from the right foot to the left.
“Right, if Pansy Parkinson asked for my forgiveness I will do a striptease just for you, Mr Weasley, I swear to Wizard god I will if she does that. Now that, that is unlikely to happen--- now if a bludger could speak then it will go flying around the field asking wizard god for his forgiveness a million times but not Pansy Parkinson, Pansy Parkinson is a spawn of Satan and one of the many whores in hell,” she said feeling the rage boiling inside of her like her whistling kettle.
AND THEN! WITH THE POWER OF WIZARD GOD! PANSY PARKINSON FELL FROM THE CEILING AND LANDED ON TOP OF HER DESK WITH A LOUD THUD. (p.s: Wizard god works in mysterious ways so Pansy was invisible but then visible when McG told Ron about that whole Pansy thing.)
“I have this stupid curse that totes forbid me to freakin’ be mean to people. FML! My mum hates me… so I’m very sorry Professor McGonagall…like really. Now I’m gonna go and like watch some Disney channel cause I’m totes depressed,” she said in her slurry emo voice.
(p.p.s: Yeah the curse helped too.)
“Well, this is quite a surprise Ms. Parkinson. Thank you and yes, I accept your apology. You may go,” she said perking up a bit.
“You use the word ‘quite’ a lot, uh?” Pansy asked and got slapped in the face with an invisible hand. “I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” she pleaded.
“Yes, yes…apology accepted, now go!” Professor McGonagall pushed her off the table and waved goodbye.
Pansy Parkinson with her emo self, dragged her cursed body out of there.
“Bloody hell (catch phrase!), that was intense, miss!” he said in his most geeky gingery voice.
“Yes...very intense. Ron, will you mind if I ask you to go to my office at around nine o’clock this evening?” she said timidly.
“What for?” Ron said, his ginger senses tingling.
“Oh, just something I promised to do…will you come?” Professor McGonagall said a little too eagerly.
“If it’ll make you happy then yes, yes I will,” he said.
“Oh thank you, Ron Weasley. You will never regret it!” she exclaimed most vibrantly.
Ronald Weasley had a funny feeling in his stomach but he didn't know what it was. It’s like there was a giant weight in it and it’s getting heavier and heavier. He gulped and said the password to the fat lady as he arrived at his Common Room’s entryway. There’s something awfully strange about everything but he couldn’t put his finger on it.
“Guys guess what? WHAT THE HELL! WHAT? HARRY STOP PUSHING YOUR TONGUE DOWN HERMIONE’S THROAT! NO! HERMIONE STOP UNDRESSING! GUYS, STOP EATING EACH OTHER’S FACE! HOLY CRAP! AND WHY IS DRACO FILMING IT?” Ron cried out, flabbergasted by the horrid acts Harry and Hermione are doing.
“It’s for the fans, Ron!” Hermione said buttoning her blouse hastily.
“Yeah, yeah the fans,” Harry said fixing his hair and looking right at Draco’s while Draco runs his hands through his hair.
“Well that’s just stupid. Fans love us already! We shouldn’t make a bunch of weird stuff that never happened in our story or make up new pairings just to satisfy the fans. They can do that themselves,” Ron said magicking away the whips and chains in the room.
“Oh yeah…our fans are twisted enough to write crappy stories that can never be compared to the omniscient writer of this wonderful reality of ours,” Draco said, stuffing his digital camera into his pocket.
“Is that a digital camera in your pocket or are you just excited to see me?” Harry asked Draco.
“That was my line!” Hermione snapped.
“Enough!” Ginny (from the block) crawled out of the fireplace and glared at Harry. “This has gone far enough! I am sick and tired of sharing my man, Harry. It’s like these blasted fangirls have created twisted shitty versions of us who go around shagging each other!” she blasted.
“That’s right!” Luna Lovegood, the weirdest chick in the book, said.
“Where’d you come from?” Ron asked.
“Oh… that’s a funny story. See, there’s this wardrobe and----“
“That’s another story. Let’s not go into that,” Fred Weasley said popping out of nowhere.
“Right… I’m lucky that I’ll never star in a shitty story or possibly a movie of my own,” Cedric Diggory said as he stopped flying his broomstick outside the Common Room’s window. “Why am I sparkling?” he asked as he sparkled like diamonds unexpectedly.
“Lame,” George said and blasted Cedric away with a stunning spell.
“I hope he makes that fall,” Fred said, “NOT!” he added most humorously.
“Hey, George. What’s up?” Ron asked.
“Just my dick,” George said, elbowing Luna.
“That’s just… hot,” Fred said, hovering over Luna.
Luna gulped and giggled awkwardly.
“Threesome!” Parvati’s voice and the click of her camera were heard throughout the room.
“Anyways,” Ron said, rolling his eyes. “I have to meet with Old McGonagall later at nine,” he continued.
“Somebody’s getting laid,” Draco said with an impish look on his face.
“No I’m not… she just needs something from me. That’s all,” Ron said, convincing himself.
“Yeah… she needs your wiener,” Ginny said matter-of-factly.
“Whatever you guys…I’m outta here. I need to study for a potions test tomorrow. You know how Snape can be when he’s disappointed,” Ron said, walking towards his dorm room.
“How dare you! You will not take my title away from me! I am the smartest which of this time!” Hermione exclaimed and buried her nose on a book, reading aggressively.
“We’re outta here too,” Fred and George said at the same time as they carried Luna out.
“Oh dear! I hope there aren’t any nargles where you’re taking me,” Luna said nervously.
“Baby, the place we’re taking you to is heaven,” Fred said.
“Who uses the word wiener?” Harry asked no one in particular.
There were four of them left; Ginny with the soot and dust covering her entire body, Harry doing some noble stuff (he’s actually just staring at nothingness), Draco with his pallid face looking at something (that something is Harry or Hermione), and Hermione tearing through the pages like a cannibal.
“I bet you do, Harry,” Draco said suddenly. “Sorry, I was thinking out loud,” he said apologetically.
Hermione gasped quietly and remained fixated on her book while Ginny harrumphed like an old lady. Harry looked at Draco with those shiny spectacles of his and Draco looked back with the same shiny passion.
“Ugh, stop eye-fucking each other. It’s annoying,” said Ginny but alas the poor ginger girl was ignored by everyone in the room.
“How am I supposed to memorize this?” Ron asked the room exasperatedly. “I don’t care about potions! Wizardgoddamnit! Snape can grab his test and shove it up his arse, the bloody git!” he cried as he banged his head on the table.
And as he uttered a cry of pain when his head hit the table, he noticed his remembrall flashing red. What did I forgot? He asked himself. There was hazy fuzz covering his memories that day so he couldn’t remember anything except for eating lunch.
When he started to remember some bits of his memory, his brother Fred came in and slapped his head. “What’s up, bro?” Fred asked.
“Nothing, just studying. What’s up with you?” he asked casually. “And don’t say your dick,” he added quickly.
Fred uttered a short laugh and sat on Ron’s messy bed. “George’s taking Luna out on a date so I left them. I don’t know where they’re going because we aren’t allowed anywhere off campus,” he said.
“Probably the lake,” Ron said matter-of-factly.
“Yeah, whatever. Hey! Aren’t you supposed to be in Old McGonagall’s office?” Fred asked. Ron’s eyes widened comically and checked the room’s weird clock that no muggle could understand.
“Fuck! That’s right! I have five minutes left,” Ron said, panicking, and hurriedly got up from his seat and ran.
Fred burst out of laughter again and shouted after Ron, “Run like the wind, brother!”
His footsteps echoed off of the stone walls and surrounded him like a second wall. Bloody hell, this is nuts! What am I going to say to Old McGonagall when I come late? He asked himself as he ran some more. Her office, where was that again? Oh yeah right turn here, he turned right, and straight on ahead, good!
He nodded and picked up his pace, he was sweating now, and skidded to a full stop as he came face to face with Old McGonagall’s door. He patted his wand in his pocket, a thing he’s been doing a couple of times now, he doesn’t know why but he feels secured if he’s got his wand in his pocket, and knocked.
Professor McGonagall was sitting in her office, patiently waiting, and drinking tea when she heard the knock on her door. She hastily went for the door and yanked it open, “Good evening, Mr Weasley. You’re a bit late,” she said, formally as ever.
“I’m sorry, Professor. I just remembered,” Ron said, bowing his head down.
“Well, we can’t do anything now. Come in, come in,” she said ushering Ron inside.
“What do you want me to do, Professor?” Ron asked.
“I want you to sit down on that chair and drink some of this tea,” she said.
Ron obliged. The room was simple enough, it wasn’t really fancy, it was a room for a Professor and that was it. The ornate table sat silently on the far side of the room. It was huge and papers upon papers were stacked above each other to form Headache Mountains. The room is spotless, it was neat and disciplined, just the way McGonagall liked it, he guessed. The curtains covering the window were an extravagant red and gold colour. Ron sipped his tea and wondered why he was there.
“Would you like me to help you with your paperwork, Professor?” Ron asked after a long moment when he and Professor McGonagall were just sitting in silent contemplation, drinking tea.
“Ron…do you remember that promise that I told you?” She said a bit loudly.
“Hardly, Professor. What was it?” Ron asked, confused. He set his tea down on the floor, folded his hands together, and raised an eyebrow.
“I promised to give you a striptease if Miss Parkinson begs for my forgiveness. I never break promises, Mr Weasley. Never!” She said and started taking off her robes.
“No! No! This is crazy. Stop, Professor! Isn’t this illegal?” Ron gasped out the words in pure astonishment as he leapt out of his seat and backed away, shaking his head.
“Oh no you don’t!” She growled and casted the Levitation charm (Wingardium Leviosa) on him and plopped him down on his seat. “You’re running away from a bad ass, Mr Weasley. Did you honestly think I’d let you go easily?” she purred.
“Please miss, this isn’t logical. Forget that promise. Please! For the love of wizard-god please!” Ron begged.
But Mcgonagall won’t have it. “I’m a busy woman and this will be my… release,” she said breathing a sigh at the last word. “Ronald Weasley… you’re going to be my tool for the night. Incarcerous!” She yelled and a length of rope whipped itself out of her wand and tied itself to the chair with Ron in between.
Ron was panicking, of course he was panicking! Who wouldn’t be panicking in this kind of situation? He tried to squirm out of the rope’s bind but it was tight as hell. “Professor, I’m begging you! You’re out of your mind! Go to St. Mungos and get yourself cured!” He cursed under his breath and tried to reached for his wand but his hands were leashed tight. So much for escape and security.
“I am perfectly sane Mr Weasley. I just need to fulfil my promise to you and we’re done,” She said in a very serious voice.
Then it started.
She wasn’t wearing her robes but lacy black lingerie when Ron decided unfortunately to look. She was also wearing lacy gloves and fish net stockings. “Look at me, Ron. Look at me when I strip!” She demanded.
“I don’t think I have the stomach for it, Professor,” Ron said turning his head away.
She let her hair down just this once and she felt good about it. She looked at herself in the mirror and saw moonlight cascading down from her head. She didn’t mind the wrinkles and her flabby arms; she was beautiful this evening and to hell with Mr Weasley if he doesn’t appreciate it. She was a busy man and he should be thankful that she did this for him. She turned around and smiled at the squirming ginger in front of her.
“Look at me or I’ll snap your neck, Mr Weasley!” She said giving him a glare as she turned around, bent over and shook her ass for him. The short flare of lace had ridden upwards to expose her fish netted derriere.
“I think I want to gag,” Ron said as he witnessed the whole thing and for some reason, for some very strange reason, he couldn’t look away. He didn’t want to gag anymore and that surprised him.
“Very good, Ron… just keep looking at me. I like that very much,” she said in a purr. She turned to face him again and dipped her ass to the floor, using Ron’s legs as support. “Do you like this, Mr Weasley. Do you like this?” she asked, feeling the heat rising up in the room. Ron could feel the heat too and he’s afraid that this room will turn into an oven and fry his ginger ass out of existence.
McGonagall stepped away and removed her lacy gloves. She spun them around over her head for a moment and threw them at Ron’s way. Ron squirmed away but the lacy gloves allowed themselves to land on Ron’s head. She was sweating, lightly sweating, and her wrinkled body that wasn’t covered in lace shone in a thin sweaty sheen. Slivers of her silver hair clung to her neck and Ron couldn’t look away from it. Although she had old person skin, Ron couldn’t help but notice how sexy her neck was. He shook his head and closed his eyes but he’s not sure he can close them for so long. He wanted to see McGonagall do her thing.
“Am I making you hot?” Minerva McGonagall, the busiest woman alive, said hotly. She walked away from him and strutted her ass and thighs like a good stripper. She was giving a show for Ron and he was starting to like it. She walked back towards him, hands on her hips, walking like she was eighteen years old again, and loving it. She put one of her heeled feet on Ron’s chair between his legs and leaned in. “Do you like it, Mr Weasley. Do you like me?” she said, leaning more and whispering the words to his ears sensually.
Ronald Weasey didn’t know what to do. He was confused, his mind was useless at the moment and his heart was racing unsteadily fast. He gulped down the saliva that was flooding his mouth and mouthed the word yes.
“What was that?” Minerva said, whispering still but this time she did something different, she bit his ear tenderly and giggled. Ron gave out a surprising moan and shuddered violently, a pure look of ecstasy blanketed his face.
But just then, at that very exact moment when Ronald Weasley moaned in pleasure while Minerva McGonagall chewed his ear, a man barged into the room with a mop in his hand. He was a funny looking man and he wore a fez and a bowtie with a matching stupid brown suit. “Hello, yes. Well, this is nice. This is something I don’t see every day and trust me I’ve seen everything!” he said excitedly, rubbing his hands together and grinning like a fool.
“Excuse me but who the devil are you?” Professor McGonagall asked completely dumbfounded. Ron whimpered in his seat and started to cry, obviously embarrassed by the whole thing.
“You made him cry,” the weird looking man said. “I’m the Doctor by the way,” he continued.
“What kind of a name is that?” Professor McGonagall asked, raising an eyebrow, all the sexual aura she exuded left her in a single wave and she looked like a wizened buffoon. She tied her hair back into a bun and put her robes back on, shaking her head as she did so. Ron was still crying when she cut off his ropes and offered him some more tea while the supposed Doctor looked at them in amusement.
“I’m sorry to have interrupted your sexual exploits but there’s a dalek hiding in this Castle,” he said as his face went from goofy fool to very serious man wearing a fez, bowtie and mop.