Yesterday I was fifteen.
I went to the movies with my best friend and wore a tiara at midnight.
I ate my favorite sandwich for lunch, and had Italian for dinner.
I got a light brown frame with seven pictures of us in the slots.
I spent that summer with my brothers and childhood.
Today I went to high school with my friends,
And sat in class alone.
I tried out for improv, and didn’t make it.
I went to the field, and found a rainbow.
That’s where my world is.
Stumbled in a place no one knows,
And no one can go there.
I tried out for softball, and did make it.
But instead it was humiliation,
Never getting to play something I’m finally good at.
Guess I wasn’t that great.
And I didn’t have a buddy like everyone else,
So I sat alone on the bus to rival games.
I tripped over my words in speech,
And did perfectly fine in a theater performance.
I think it’s because I look into the glass when I’m solo,
And just the surface for the act.
I get to be someone else with one glance.
When I look deep inside, I am myself.
In leadership I fell in love.
One couch away can defeat a barrier,
And make me smile larger than life.
I learned a language,
But I still need some work on it.
College classes are hard,
And math is pointless.
Going to school may be annoying,
But it’s a way to get out there,
Meet some storylines.
A permit sits in my wallet, in my car,
I know how to drive, parallel park, go the speed limit.
In a few weeks I can be free.
I’ll be home, fresh air,
The right soil I’ve been missing for five years.
Pictures, poems, writing
They created me.
Images, words, lyrics,
I can paint a scene in a snap.
Soaring in the sky
But never coming down,
Was a big mistake.
I forgot the reality,
And it scares me.
One day I will be gone.
From here, or the earth.
Driving can take me,
Pressure can take me,
But I won’t let them.
I will go home someday, and no one can stop me.
Tomorrow I’m sixteen.
Promise me that this will be a good year.
I really need one.
Will I be respected, loved, trusted?
Or will I be kicked and shoved into the dark corner once again.
I know I’m getting more emotional every day,
But now I see life so clearly.
You only get one shot,
So spend it wisely,
You never know when it’s your last day,
Your last blink, your last breath.
Be sentimental. Remember who you are.
You’re not changing, you’re just becoming more visibly yourself.
Don’t be played so many times you turn into dust.
Keep your heart safe, it’s your most valuable item.
Live long enough to count the stars,
And blow many candles out.
Each year as it adds,
The risk continues.
Hold onto that key,
And only hand it out to whoever deserves to open the lock.
Goodbyes are forever, make them count.
Don’t ruin yourself.