“God I hate banks,” said the young businessman who was taking his lunch hour to deposit his pay cheque while the company he had started with worked out the details of his direct depositing. “Why the hell do we have to wait in line for three goddamn hours to put our money in their banks so they can make money off of us? I should be able to do this on my phone. Shit, I can practically drive my phone but I can’t put money in the bank? Bullshit, I call bullshit.”
“I hear you dude, I got here just behind you and I’ve been waiting forever. I tell you, the lines weren’t like this even five years ago,” said a man in a blue balaclava.
“What are you waiting here for?” the businessman asked, trying to pass the time.
“I’m going to rob this place. I hit it up a few years back with moderate success and really just want to see if I can improve my take this time around. I’m supposed to meet my wife for dinner in about an hour though so if this line doesn’t pick up I’m shit out of luck.”
“You ever feel like you always pick the wrong line?”
“Oh totally,” the would-be bank robber asked. “Just yesterday I picked the eight items or less line at the grocery store thinking it would move fastest but of course, the cashier at the regular item line beside me just started banging out the groceries while mine got stuck changing her print cartridge. Ten minutes later, I’m mad as a hatter and the other line is empty.”
“I know, so imagine my disdain when I came in here today and saw the line-up, knowing I had to get to a dinner that my wife will kill me for missing.”
“Hey, do you want to go in front of me?” the businessman asked, politely offering up his spot to a person more in need of the time than he was. “I mean really, all I’m missing is work, which I’m pretty mad at for not having direct deposit. You seem to need to get to that dinner a lot more than I need to get to my desk.”
“Really? You’d do that for me?”
“Well I don’t want my money taken from the bank either. I have to admit I’m a little motivated by that as well.”
“It’s still really noble of you. You know there aren’t a lot of gentlemen left in this word. And you look so young.”
“Really, never would have guessed a day more than 27,” the bank robber said, pulling up his mask to get a better look.
“Anyway, I don’t want to think about that, so you want in front of me or what?”
“Please, I’ll try and toss a few dollars your way as I make my getaway.
“Not too much, I don’t want to become an accomplice or anything. Wouldn’t look good on the resume.
“You already looking to get out of your job? I though you were saying you just started.”
“It’s more a figure of speech than anything.”
“Oh, ok, I got it. But still, don’t get too carried away with giving me the money. I mean I’ll take a hundred if you’ve got it to give but anything more might look bad.”
“Ok, a hundred it is. But looking at the speed of this line, I may not be able to pull this off today,” the eager robber said, looking at his watch. “Do you have a cell phone I could use to call my wife? If I could buy about half an hour I think I’d be ok.”
‘You know what? I don’t,” answered the business man, patting down the pockets of his suit and coming up empty in his search. “This just isn’t our day.”
“Are you going to be back here tomorrow?” the thief asked, again looking anxiously at his watch. “Because I can just reschedule this holdup. I don’t want to leave you out of the loot since you’ve been so helpful today.
“Well I could come in and just sit in the leather chairs until you’re done. I don’t really want to wait in line again. Does that work for you?”
“Yeah, yeah, that’s no problem. You’re going to want to sit at those ones over there,” he said pointing to the leather chairs near the rear exit. “That’s my escape route and I would rather not modify the plan too much.”
“Yeah, whatever’s easiest. Anyway, I’m going to get out of here now, my lunch break was done hours ago. Have a great dinner by the way, your wife is lucky to have someone so generous.”
“As is your company. Good talking to you.”
“Ok then, see you tomorrow,” said the slightly discouraged robber, patting the businessman on the shoulder before exiting into the bright summer’s day, his balaclava still fastened tightly to his face.