I know that this is fan-fiction, but mine is broken so I just decided to use this website.
Obviously, Harry Potter is not my idea, it is JK Rowling's etc.
This is a soap opera script.
Woeful Wizards Episode 1
In the Dursley’s kitchen. The Dursleys are having breakfast, and Harry Potter, preferably dressed in rags is serving them.
Vernon: More tea boy!
Harry: Yes, father.
Vernon: (taking tea and reading newspaper) Oh, and stop calling me your father. You’re not even my son.
Harry spins around, dropping teapot
Harry: (loudly and full of emotion) what?
Petunia: (Not turning to face Harry) Oh, yes. You’re actually my sister’s boy. Your father and she were murd- I mean, died in a car crash. Yes… that’s how you got your scar.
Dramatic music. Close up on Harry’s scar, which fades into a montage of Harry being abused etc.
Harry: (voiceover)It makes so much sense; how I always got the worst presents, why I was kept in a cupboard under the stairs, why I wasn’t Harry Dursley but Harry Potter, why my fath- *sigh leaden with emotion* my uncle told me I wasn’t even his son…
Fades back into present. Harry is standing, looking vaguely into the middle distance. The Dursleys are continuing doing their daily business.
Petunia: Harry, do the dishes!
Harry: (head flick/swivel) I can’t, knowing what I know now. (Hands dramatically raised) I must now contemplate ending my life in my cupboard.
Harry runs off. We hear a door slam. The Dursleys shrug and continue doing whatever they were doing in the first place.
There are two boys sitting at a table, Crabbe and Goyle. They are looking over their Hogwarts letters.
Goyle: This year at Hogwarts, I’m going to be awesome
Crabbe: Me too. Just the two of us, on midnight feasts, having sleepovers, skinny dipping (looks at Goyle a little too lovingly)
Goyle: I think Draco Malfoy’s coming as well.
Crabbe: (head swivel) what? But he’ll try to break our friendship up!
Goyle: No he won’t! Nothing… (Softer) nothing can come between us.
Crabbe: Then I want you to promise me, right here, right now, that we’re going to be together forever.
Goyle: I promise
They stare into each other’s eyes. Crabbe’s mother walks in.
Mrs. Crabbe: You boys want sandwiches?
Crabbe: (voice laden with emotion) Okay.
Harry is in his cupboard room. He hears wings and steps into the living room. There is an owl.
Harry: (gasps) an owl.
Vernon: It’s just a stray. Ignore it.
Harry: (swivels around) But it has a letter… with my name on it! (Head toss)
Vernon: There’s been a mix up.
Harry: I won’t!
Looking rebellious, Harry struts up to the owl. Vernon holds him back by his jumper.
Vernon: No, Harry, I said no!
Harry: (gasps) you… used… physical force on me! (Starts to sob)
The Dursleys ignore him and do other things. Another owl “flies” (Note: stuffed animal. Just throw it through) through the window.
Harry: (looks up, sees owl and looks ridiculously over excited) Oh goody! Another owl! And why, it’s got another letter for me!
Vernon grabs letter and chucks it out.
Vernon: That’s enough of that nonsense now.
Harry starts to cry and Dursleys do whatever. Then a bucket load of letters “flies” (again, just throw) through open window.
Harry: (looks up and is overly excited again) Oh, wow! Even more let-
Vernon scoops up letters and throws them into “fire” and shuts window.
Vernon: Now, that’s finished. Let’s watch some goo-
Harry: (overly excited) I’ll get it!
Harry runs off and comes back with Hagrid, looking confused.
Harry: Who, or what, is this?
Hagrid: (in strange accent) Harry, yer a wizard and so was yer parents.
Harry: (swivelling) WHAT?!
Sign says “Kings Cross Station”. Harry is there with Hagrid, his trunk and Hedwig.
Harry: Golly, I didn’t know you could buy white owls.
Hagrid: Usually yer can’t.
Harry: (begins to swivel, but then stops mid-swivel) you know, that would have shocked me an hour ago, but now, not so much.
Hagrid: Now, to get to Hogwarts can be tricky for a first timer, so you must listen very- Is that the time? Bye!
Hagrid runs off. Harry falls to his knees.
Harry: NOOOO! (Starts to sob)
Weasleys run on
Mrs Weasley: Quickly, hurry, hurry! (Sees Harry) Oh, hello there. Are you going to Hogwarts too?
Harry: How did you know? (Note: Make sure “HOGWARTS” can be seen very clearly somewhere)
Mrs Weasley: Because I am a (dramatic hand movement)… a WITCH!
Harry: (gasps) Whoa…
Mrs Weasley: Now then, everyone through the brick wall.
All Weasleys disappear, except for Ron. (Note: Just pause camera, tell them to shove off, and then start playing again)
Harry: Did she just say brick wall?
Dramatic music whilst they both stare out into the middle distance
Harry: So, are you a wizard… too?
Stare out into the middle distance again
Harry: So, are you a first year too?
Ron: Yes, want to sit together on the train?
Harry: I would like that.
Crabbe and Goyle are standing on platform 9 and 3/4 talking. Enter Malfoy.
Goyle: Hi Malfoy!
Crabbe: (like a grumpy bitch) Oh… hi.
Malfoy: (sneering) I heard Potter is in this year as well. Huh, thinking he could step up to the Dark Lord like that. (Pause) (Desperately) We must be friends otherwise…
Goyle: Uh, what?
Malfoy: (swivels) I shall kill him.
In train compartment with Ron and Harry. Both look awkward.
Ron: (gasps) My mother has made for me a tuna sandwich! She knows I despise tuna.
Enter Trolley Lady.
TL: Anything from the trolley?
Ron: (glares at sandwich) no.
Harry: Ron, I’ll buy you something.
Ron looks up, hopeful. He and Harry stare at each other, realising the beautiful friendship they’ve just created. This goes on for several seconds
TL: (slightly annoyed) Well?
Harry: (swivels) I don’t know. I’ve never had wizard sweets before.
Ron: I’ll help you… (Swivel) friend.
Harry: Best friends.
They stare lovingly at each other. TL looks at watch and makes to leave.
Ron: (eyes never off Harry’s face) Two chocolate frogs please.
Harry: (eyes never leaving either) Yes.
Neither of them taking their eyes off each other’s face, they pay and start eating the chocolate frogs. TL leaves and Hermione enters.
Hermione: A boys’ toad has gone missing.
Ron and Harry do not stop staring at each other.
Hermione: I’m… (Minor dance move) Hermione Granger.
Harry: (tearing eyes away from Ron) Hello. I’m Harry Potter.
Hermione gasps. Ron swoons.
Ron: You’re the Boy Who Lived!
Hermione: You defeated the greatest dark wizard of all time.
Harry lifts head towards ceiling and stares at it.
Harry: Is that how my parents died?
Ron: Yes, and you were only a baby.
Harry: (stands) I must avenge them!
Hermione: But Harry… you already have.
Harry: (gasps and stares out into middle distance)
Ron: I can’t believe it! I’m best friends with Harry Potter!
Harry: (swivels) And I don’t even know your name.
Ron: (stares out at middle distance) I’m (hand movement) Ron Weasley.
Harry: (swivels) Pleasure to meet you.
Ron: The pleasure’s all mine.
Hermione: Yes, nice to meet you
Ron glares at Hermione. Harry looks surprised. Hermione looks surprised. Dramatic music.
Malfoy, Crabbe and Goyle are all sitting in a train compartment, dressed in school uniforms.
Malfoy: Yes, my father (minor swivel) says that this year, I am a shoo-in for the Quidditch team.
Goyle: (eagerly) Yes, I’m sure Malfoy. You’re a terrific flyer.
Crabbe: (snorts with laughter)
Malfoy: (swivels) What was that?
Goyle looks at Crabbe warningly. Crabbe sees this and swivels away.
Crabbe: Nothing. (softer) Nothing at all.
Malfoy: It better be.
Hogwarts entry hall. (Note: big banner saying “Welcome to Hogwarts”)
Hagrid: (offstage) First years over here
Hagrid and Hogwarts students enter.
Hagrid: Now, jus’ wait here to be sorted.
Harry: (swivels) I can’t believe I’m here. (swivels) My mother and father walked these very halls.
Hermione: (dramatically) Did you really defeat the Dark Lord?
Harry: (swivels) Yes.
Ron: Can I see your scar?
Harry: I don’t have a… (swivels) Oh, you mean (lifts fringe) this one?
All Hogwarts students gasp
Dean: It’s (gasp) Harry Potter!
Malfoy, Crabbe and Goyle push past the crowd
Goyle: Move aside, move aside.
Malfoy: So you’re the famous Harry Potter aren’t you?
Everybody gasps again except for Harry and Malfoy.
Malfoy: And look who you’re hanging out with… a ginger…. And a mudblood.
Ron: (runs up to Malfoy) You take that back!
Malfoy: (swivels) Never! (turns to Harry) You should hang out with me. After all I am a (dramatic hand movement) pureblood.
Harry: (swivels) I will never, ever be friends with you. You, you, (angry face) jerk.
Malfoy: (looks shocked and then angry) You will regret this Potter! Mark my words, you will regret this!
Malfoy, Crabbe and Goyle march off to the side and stand in a group looking pissed.
Ron: Well he’s a Slytherin if I ever saw one.
Harry: (s) What’s that?
Ron: The most evilest of all houses
Ron: You want to be in Gryffindor, like my family is.
Harry: Are there only two houses?
Hermione: No. (Harry gasps) There is two more. Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff. Each house encourages particular values. Gryffindor is courage and honour, Slytherin ambition and resourcefulness, Ravenclaw intelligence and responsibility and Hufflepuffs are particularly good finders.
Ron: (s) Nobody asked you Hermione!
Hermione looks shocked and then starts sniffling. She runs off to another group of Hogwarts students.
Harry: So, you’re in Gryffindor.
Ron: (looks upset) No, not yet. We have to be Sorted first.
McGonagall walks in.
McGonagall: It’s time to be sorted.
In the Great Hall. There is the “House Point Counter” (Note: whiteboard with house names on). Hat on stool and stuff.
Dumbledore: And now, let the Sorting (dramatic hand movement)… begin!
Hermione walks up, looking terrified.
Sorting Hat: Gryffindor!
Hermione skips away. Draco comes up
Sorting Hat: Slytherin!
Draco skips away. Ron comes up
Sorting Hat: Gryffindor!
- Frame saying: “time passes”-
Harry comes up. Dramatic music.
Sorting Hat: (quietly) You’d be good in Slytherin.
Harry: (falls to knees) NOOOOOO!!!! I WANT GRYFFINDOR!
Sorting Hat: Okay, fine then. (louder) GRYFFINDOR!
Everybody cheers, except for Malfoy and Goyle, who are sneering. Crabbe is staring at Goyle.
Harry jumps into air, with his fist raised.
END OF EPISODE 1