It has been at least a week since I first dropped into the coma. But maybe it has really been five minutes. Time is a hard thing to keep track of while in such a state of existence. Time is hardly one dimensional.
At first, the dreams were normal; they were hazy, illogical, and silly. But as they stretched on and on, something in my mind clicked and asked, "Why are these dreams going uninterrupted?"
And so I mentally interrupted them. I put an end to their impulsive and lazy existence, and I began to battle with my sleeping memory. I was fighting for answers. But once I had found them, the dreams came back one hundred times stronger, forcing my mind into a nightmare of shattering glass, explosions of rotting wood, and the bone-jarring and mind-twisting thud of stone on stone.
My mind would have eaten itself alive had I not managed to find a refuge in the peaceful memories of the past year. But I was left in darkness and oblivion after this battle, with no guide on how to rebuild my mind. It took both sheer will power and spirit, but I have now created a sense of stability through the mended shreds of who I used to be.
I am now living in a neighborhood of images and feelings, held together by routine. It's like a program in my mind, running the familiar background to my thoughts. But it is only temporal. From this teetering position of stability, I have realized the important purpose that I must live for so as to remain clinging to this border between life and death. And just as a blind man's sense of hearing is heightened, so will be my sense of mind as I live disconnected from the body.
The desperate struggle to hold my sanity and life force intact has brought me to many realizations. The most important is the acceptance of my own vulnerability and dynamic existence. I can never use the same materials of logic and reason to build my thoughts again. I have discovered those foundations to be imaginary.
What is real? What is truth? Perception. That is all.
And that is what I shall use to rebuild myself. And because of this, I shall never be a static entity again. As my perception changes from one instant to the next, so shall I.
It is a challenging task when my reason and logic wishes to interject at every moment. But I have made a beginning.
I now perceive an image in my mind. A location where I exist. But more precisely, I exist in a body.
I have perceived this body to be a simple and practical thing. I navigate and interact with the world through simple will power, and my body acts as appropriate to propell me forward.
I have no senses attached to this body. Everything in the world is perceived by me at once. That is how it exists. And what do I perceive?
I perceive a plane. I still cannot be aware of too many details at once, so the plane is bare. It is green though. Solid green. And above this solid plane is air. The air is clear. The atmosphere is warm but open. The sky does not yet exist.
Here I am. A new beginning. My own reality.