Moon strode into the living room with dripping wet hair. She stood infront of Cookie, blocking the view of all else. Her leaden hands attempted to comb through her short hair. She ended up wincing as the comb’s teeth took a bite out of her ear, but she continued the façade of untangling.
Moon muttered, “ She thinks every one has kids, “ Moon said to Claire “ but we know lot’s of people who don’t have kids don’t we? Like Fran.”
Cookie raised her eyebrows and said, “ Fran’s your example?”
Moon gave Cookie a meaningful glare and hissed as she walked away, “ Fran is a lovely woman.”
Cookie snorted, “ I don’t question her kindness.”
Moon didn’t respond. She closed her bedroom door lightly. Claire looked at Cookie uncertainly and then hopped of the couch. Cookie got up and stretched impatiently.
“ I’m going to go get my…sh…stuff.”
Cookie shuffled on a pair of Moon’s clogs. Cookie pretty much felt like a bag lady but whatever she was just going to a women’s shelter. She sighed and leaned against the door frame and waited for Moon to respond. Moon didn’t disappoint she came out her room wearing the dreadlocks hat.
“ Ok…what time are you coming back?” Moon said shrugging.
Cookie responded almost defensively, “You’re off today right?”
Moon shrugged again, “ Just curious because we usually eat at five or six. I mean you don’t have to eat at five…you can eat whatever you want. Just wondering if I you want to eat…”
Cookie took pity on Moon, “ I’ll call you if I won’t be coming home ok, honey.”
Moon used her middle finger to deliberately fidget with her dreadlocks. Then she rolled her eyes and shoved at the air.
“ Just go then. I’ll just slave all day…”
Cookie rolled her eyes back and then opened the door.
She yelled back, “ See you later honey!”
Cookie laughed as she heard Claire ask Moon, “ Are you going to marry Cookie?”
God life would be so much easier if she were a lesbian. She tired the lesbian thing. Everyone on the streets did. It only seemed logically that same with same stuck together. As it was now she was pretty much asexual. It was a matter of attraction. The men she was attracted to were only in movies, books, or her head. In that way she felt too much like a woman.
Cookie didn’t peer out the window she stared at her own ghostly reflection. She didn’t dwell on blotchy skin or wild strands of hair. She looked at her eyes. When was the last time she was happy?
There was no joy in those eyes. Ever since she started doing drugs she felt that her eyes looked…flat. They had no luminesce. Sure she stopped doing the drugs but she still was on methadone. She wasn’t ready just yet to let that go. Cookie was afraid things would just unravel and be pushed backward and she would wake up that sandbox again.
The sandbox…god…the sandbox… The night started par for the course. She picked a stretch of side walk across from a convenience store run by a stringent Asian woman and her mute relatives. For whatever reason Cookie felt safe standing there. Standing knowing any minute the strict Asian would call the cops for loitering or some other miner or imagined offense. Maybe if she had been standing closer to the bars she would have been a little more leery and she wouldn’t have even considered stepping in his car.
He drove some sort of sports car. Every time she brought up the image of him the car make changed. All she recalled was it was red. Even in the dark of night she could see it blazing. Cookie looked down at the douche lights he added to the under carriage. They blinked along with the asshole bass. Cookie knew what he looked like before she saw him. He was an axe deodorant, player with a hundred dollar hair cut shave not included. He was more cliché and stereotypical then the stern Asian woman across the street.
He pushed open the passenger door for her. She supposed he fancied himself a great seducer of women as he invited her to see his condo. Cookie was only partially jaded at this point so she played into his fantasy. She slid into the car seductively not bothering to pull down her mini skirt. She let him show the wretched whore the high life. He told her about his paying off his car and life at the computer lab. The long ours blinking at the computer screen. Cookie thought he talked as if his job was front line. She managed on dig at the self-important fuck. She said people only care whether their computer works. He responded with a forced laugh, “ Way to make a man feel special.”
She took in the area they were driving to. It was middle class if that. Most of the homes were supposed to be starter homes for families. A lot of people in this neighbourhood used public transport or drove used cars, their parents bought or loaned the money. When they got to the condo she open the car door and the front door for her. Showed her the hard wood floors in the front hall , the new tiles in the kitchen, and re-modeled banister leading up to his various man caverns. She escaped the dick pic that was his entire existence and took a couple ecstasy tablets. It was a toss-up between the X and the coke. X would make her sweet. Cocaine whipped the bitch in her into frenzy but then again that’s why she loved the coke more.
She sat in the tube and let the love waves soak in, well she must have been in longer than she thought because he knocked on the door and muttered again about, “ Way to make me feel special, keeping your man waiting.”
Cookie turned the bathtub on while she was still wearing clothes. He of course took it as an invitation. He watched with wide eyes as she removed her wet and sloppy converse and threw it over the side of the tub. Then Cookie put the put the stopper into the drain and let the tub fill up with brown murky water. He looked at her disgustedly as she started removing her sodden clothing.
She spoke in a baby voice and looked at him guilelessly, “ I’m a dirty, dirty girl.”
He pulled the stopper and pushed the slug toward the drain. Cookie widen her legs to give him better access to the drain.
She pouted, “ Why don’t you play in my hole?”
That’s when he grabbed a mass of her hair and lowed her head quickly to the bathtubs rail and barely stopping in time. The drugs made it seem as if the shadows that lay there jumped all around her and tacked her vision. She was already panicking when he said, “ I like my women classy, quiet and obedient. I can teach you to be at least two of these .”
Then wretched her face up and she was bombarded by the light. Her eyes wide and unflinching as the light threatened to make her blink. She couldn’t blink…she couldn’t blink…but she didn’t know why.
He didn’t let go of her hair. He wrapped it around his fist and wretched her forward and up and out of the tube. She followed nit because of the pain but to get into the neutrality. A place where there was a balance of dark and light. She sighed as he threw her on to the bed. She sunk into the blue sheets. So very blue…like the ocean. She shot up when there was a flash of light. He slapped her across the face, it started out hard but ended up feeling like fingerless gloves trailing across her face. Then he pushed her on to the bed.
He growled, “ Beg for it baby, Let your body tell me how you want it.”
She sat up and closed her eyes. She tried to look dreamy, peaceful. Guys didn’t care to see women’s faces anyway.
She could see the flash blinking from beneath her eyelids and she whimpered.
He responded, “ That’s right moan, tell me how hot this is. Make me feel special.”
Then she couldn’t recall if he raped her or fucked her. She remembered being tied down , he forced her down. Maybe he hit her…. He must have. She didn’t cry until that ungodly light flashed across her face. Over and over the light took over her. It had finally stolen her and she went into shock. The tears slowed because of biology nothing else. He only let her go when he was done, he didn’t notice her breathing slow or the fact that her skin was still wet and cold.
He threw his housecoat at her. She shook her head. She’d rather go nude. She walked down to his kitchen and stood by the window. He shouted something about drying her clothes. She nodded. He found her still staring at the window and not seeing any stars. The drugs wouldn’t let her feel numb yet. She had to find the stars or the moon. Soft white light. Light not created by man’s hands.
He lit a joint and offered it to her. She took it by the lit end and ran it close to her lips.
He glared at her, “ Your fucked up aren’t you?”
Cookie didn’t respond she just took the joint by and put it to her lips. She lit it there for a bit and then inhaled.
He offered a coffee from his Keruig. She ignored him and walked around his kitchen and trailed her feet to his living room.
He tentatively followed her. He had a couple of flameless candles well not burning but flickering all the same. She put her hands on the base of one. Then went to her knees and brought them all around her. She laughed and then went to a table lamp and turned it on. She leaped into the softest rays of light and sat down in the meekest of shadows. At that point he must of figured out she was seriously tripping, because he vanished out of the room and took seconds later he was throwing her warm but wet clothes at her.
She wiggled on her wet clothes on his beautiful hard wood floors. He must off cringed but she was beyond all that.
He offered to drive her where ever she wanted. She said she wanted to go to the ocean. He drove her to The Winslow Park it must have been the closest thing with sand. Cookie didn’t protest the fact that there was no water, she was just taken in by the cool sand on her feet. He dropped her purse and her shoes at the edge of the sand and muttered something about “Hoping she would find what she was looking for.”
She didn’t watch him drive away. Didn’t even here the car go. She buried her feet in the sand and wished for music. She woke up with her face first in the snow and her clothes covered in sand. Her vag hurt something fierce but what was worse was that the X had eaten all of dopamine or was it Serotonin? Who the fucked cared. All she knew was she was struck with apathy and wanted to sink into that sand. She left her sneakers by the sand and dragged her purse. She walked in the middle of the road until she got to a bustling street and walked zigzagged on the grassy lawns.
She opened her purse to look for a pack of cigarettes. She found a couple of wrinkled twenties. She looked at the money in disgust. A hundred bucks, got her beaten, her photos across the internet and fucked hard without a condom if the hard cum between her legs was any indiciation. She used a couple of wet strands of grass to fix that problem. But she still was a whore wiping cum away from her legs on some surbanites lawn. Kids could come running on of the cheery red door at any minute.
Cookie decided then and there no more fucks and no more drugs. She hadn’t shot, licked, ingested, smoked or snorted anything since. But for some indelible reason she still fucked for money. She supposed this reprieve would be short like all the rest and she would be back to the fucking.