past time

someones in a situaion......

Thump…..thump…….thump…….I could feel it now. The pain, the loss. I could imagine what it would be like to never open my blue eyes again, to never see my family…but wait what is that sound? I could hear it but barely make out what it was. It was the beat of my slow thumping heart. What had happened? there hadn’t been any gunshot that I heard, and I knew that 14 year olds couldn’t have heart attacks. Did I feint? Was I alive? Or when you are going to meet your eternal destination which was heaven or hell would your heart still beat? Would you feel every endless happiness in heaven or feel every pain in hell that you could never escape? I had no idea what the answer was so I held on to the hope that I was alive like a child holding on to there mother’s hand when they are scared. My mom!! What would happen to my mom if I died? Would she cry for days and nights not having the will to move on or would she be the tough individual that would be sad but kept on going to live her life? But what else could you do? Sit around on the couch all day eating, crying, watching TV and getting fatter by the second. My mom was not the fat kind of person sooo I guessed she would suck it up and move on which I would want my mother to do. What my father would do I wouldn’t know, he left my mother and I when I was really little. Even though those memories were blurry I knew that he loved me soo much by the way he smiled and played with me like it was his last day to see me and technically it was…. No I would not think of those sad times when I am surrounded by darkness. I knew the darkness would take me and fill me up if I let one thread of hope be cut by thinking of sad memories that I never got over. I don’t have to worry about friends being sad or upset if I am dead because for one I have no friends but I much rather preferred it like that… I  liked the endless time to get lost in my own thoughts except for the occasional interruption by the teacher. I never have to worry about being caught for not listening I always know all the answers anyway…just like that. Those dumb teachers don’t even catch the blank look on my face all day not listening to their lessons sooo I have no idea of how I know all the answers. The thought freakes me out like there is like something wrong with my brain for knowing all the answers. And sometimes I have these random flashbacks like I’m in another century. I always feel like I’m there when I have these strange flashbacks and it usually takes about 10 minutes to recover. My head always felt dizzy, and after the dizziness had passed I always have a major head ache that wont go away until I will go lie down and relax. Then my stomach would churn and ache like it was trying to tell me something that I didn’t know. My mom always said I was a very strange kid. This was my mom’s  favorite quote “ your beauty is a strange kind of beautiful like from another century” I didn’t really pay attention to my own looks so I totally didn’t care what my mom said about me being a strange kind of beautiful. I think it sounds mysterious and I like it like that. My thoughts consumed me like they always do during the day whenever I wanted to escape and forget where I am. I always think about endless things about nothing in particular. And I usually didn’t hear sounds as clearly as when I’m actually listening so I definitely didn’t notice the faint laughing of people and the crackle of fire when the sparks popped or the faint tap…tap…tap which was probably a cane. Then the sounds reached my ears I gasped from excitement…I was alive. I knew it… I’ve heard those sounds many times in my life!! Now I just have to find my arms and legs through this darkness. What is that tugging? Was it on my foot? Or maybe it is my arm but who really cares all I need to do is find my body so I can move and get out of this creepy darkness. What is that tugging? The sooner I find my body the faster I can accuse this person who is doing this tugging that is really annoying me and is going to get a peace of my mind!! I need to search faster. I need to get out! What is that? Warmth? I can feel it in my fingertips like a heart beat making the blood flow throughout my body. Wow my body is like a heater. now the warmth is covering ever inch of my body. Should I try to move my body? It seems to be working again. why is that I feel like a stranger inside my body like all my bones are disconnected but still working but I couldn’t feel anything. I open my eyes and the light is blinding. Every muscle in my body screamed wanting to shut my eyes again and go back to the darkness, but I have to live. Fight. My eyes adjusted to the light I heard myself gasp. That first sight I knew I would never forget… I was standing in the middle of a dirt road with wooden carts going by and the passengers looking at me like I was an alien. The huts were made out of dirt and were every where. Every woman wore similar cloths like raggedy dresses and an apron on and the men all had work cloths like peasants I used to see in books I’ve read about midevil ages. My emotions were building up inside me like a wall ….anger, frustration, happiness, and confusion. Looking around for some unknown solution to why I was here, there next to me was a boy about the same age as me with raggedy pants and a shirt. The boy also had a strange expression. I could read that there was confusion and amazement in his face with his mouth gapping open. Well did I really look that ugly? Why is every person I’ve seen look at me like I was some kind of creep. well looking around, everything on me was very normal those people were the ones with the fashion disaster. I guess though since I am the only one with this kind of cloths on I’m the freak to them. Wearing my jeans and my black shirt that has my favorite band on it. Anyway what was this strange town? And what is this strange sensation that I feel when I am returning home. This isn’t the home that I know and love but I couldn’t ignore the feeling that I know this place from somewhere.






The End

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