Attempting

 STOP CRYING I HATE IT WHEN YOU CRY AND I KNOW IT'S ALL MY FAULT SO STOP CRYING STOP CRYING!

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Don't you ever feel like we're falsely caring? I mean, look at us. We laugh and we joke, and when something's wrong we change the subject and pretend it never happened we never heard it, and pretend it was never brought up. The issues never get addressed and they just grow bigger and bigger, demanding attention like we do, and all I wanna do is hide away because I'm making her cry and no one knows.

No one knows, no one can do anything about it.

I feel like I'm going to snap soon.

But I still haven't cried.

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I can hear things. Things like the television downstairs. Voices of the people below. Things like buzzing electricity, things like wind and rain and all the falling sky. I wish I heard more, but I wish I heard less. There's nothing I can try, and nothing I can change, and altogether my life has built up and all towards and she's feeling guilty.

I can feel her crying because I said did something wrong. It's not her fault it's all her fault.

I mentioned her and dad and dancing. She started crying. She thought I was out of the room, she said it wasn't my fault. but my attempts to say stuff, logical stuff, pretty stuff, attempts do nothing, trying or no. I tried, nothing happened, and I'm done. I'm useless in this.

My life has built up to a pile of report cards, grades that drop with each passing stressful year, and I'm not the only one but I'm the better one, somehow managing to block out school when I'm home and home when I'm at school and

I hate myself for not telling anyone, for not trying to, for resisting, for not even a measly attempt and for every measly attempt.

And still I do not cry.

I wish _____ was here.

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The End

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