Wording

Words I want to hear, words that should be said, words that no one says. They don’t think I need those words, but doesn’t everyone?

 

Just a small bit of comfort would be great, thanks. Someone notice me.

 

Please.

 

Reach out and notice others, for once.

 

-(-)-

 

The wording is specific but lacking. Always is.

 

Contact has been lost. Just need to wait, I’ll find them again. Wonder what they’ll think if I’m different when they find me. When I’m there.

 

I don’t want to be there.

 

Laziness. Laziness is my downfall. Things I need to do but are not being done, was supposed to do it a few days ago.

 

Moments are slipping away. Here and gone and never again.

 

I’m just like you, you know.

 

For all you know… I could be. No one really knows. It all depends on how fake it all sounds, because there are those who are fake at face value but truths are always buried in lies.

 

My grandfather has never been struck by lightning.

 

But I did fall. I broke.

 

I’m not even sure if the wording is right.

 

-(-)-

 

 

I can remember the days when the sadness was a blackness willing to tear me open from the inside but my eyes remained painfully dry.

 

Loneliness. I remember being lonely like it was a sickness that left me bedridden and mumbling randoms like loneliness does.

 

I don’t want to remember it, but I do, and there are some things I’ve forgotten. Like what it was like to have a friend near enough to lean on and complain to.

 

-(-)-

 

I feel like I’ve forgotten how to move, how to get up and walk, and the lifestyle I’m living sickens me to the bone. Especially with the thought that I’ll get up in the morning and pretend I’m doing something worthwhile, but…

 

I want to get up and show the world what I can do but there’s nothing there and no one waiting – with my lack of skill what’s the point anyways? It’s a spiralling despair that surfaces after I shower and when I pretend I’m clean but I’m dirty of living and uncleanliness is disgusting everyone else will look but not care.

 

I wonder if they can see.

I wonder how much they can see.

I wonder if I’ll word it properly, if they’ll understand it.

 

Doubtful.

The End

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