Rob sat on one of the hard plastic chairs in the entrance to the library, the stiff white paper carrier bag on his lap.   He wiped his sweaty palms on the knees of his new smart blue suit.  Paddytum was chanting a mantra of advice in his head, and it was beginning to annoy him.

     "Remember to shake her hand: don't sit down until she invites you; smile; don't laugh at everything you say; don't laugh at everything she says;  Make eye contact...''

     ''Stop it!'' Rob whispered.  ''You're making me more nervous.''

      ''Only trying to help.'' said Paddytum, sounding affronted.  ''I'll keep my opinions to myself then, if they're not going to be appreciated.''

     ''It's just that... It's like a barrage, and I'm trying to calm myself down, and I can't, with you in my head the whole time.'' murmured Rob.

     ''Oh, pardon me for existing.'' said Paddytum, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

     Rob heaved a sigh.  He was grateful to the bear, but he wished he wouldn't be so... spiky, sometimes. 

     ''Look, Paddytum,'' he said, under his breath.  ''I'm very pleased that you're here with me, really I am.  And I'm really happy that you're helping me.  But...  but I'm nervous enough already, without having to try and remember all that stuff you're saying.''

     At that moment, a door opened, to the side. and a young woman called his name.  He stood, his hands dangling at his sides, not knowing what to do or say.  The voice in his head was saying nothing.  He felt panicky.  What if Paddytum was so offended that he wasn't going to help after all. 

     ''Put your hand out.'' said Paddytum, and Rob closed his eyes briefly, in relief, and extended his hand.  The woman took it in hers.  A firm grasp.  She smiled up at Rob.  He was painfully aware that this was the first physical contact he had had with a woman, apart from his mother, since he had slow-danced with Karen Pitkin at the Sixth Form Disco the week he'd left school, and he felt his face burning.  

     ''I'm Rachel Jenkins,'' she said.  ''Head Librarian.  Would you like to follow me?''

     He down looked at Rachel.  Why did she have to be so petite and pretty?  Typical, he thought.  He'd expected ''Miss Jenkins'' to be a raddled old spinster in her sixties, but instead, she was this... vision of loveliness.  She was about five feet two, with large blue eyes, fringed with impossibly long black lashes, and dark brown glossy hair, tied in a ponytail, which swung as she led him into her office. 

     She seated herself at a desk, and he was about to sit in the chair opposite, when the voice in his head said, ''Wait to be asked.'' 

     ''Do sit down, Mr. Handle, she said.  He detected a slight lilt in her voice.  Welsh?  Irish, maybe?  He obeyed, putting the bag containing his furry mentor on the floor at his feet.  He felt the need to explain.

     ''Been shopping,'' he said, laughing nervously and pointing at the bag. 

     ''Irrelevant.''  Paddytum scolded, in his head.  ''You didn't need to draw attention to it. ''

     ''Sorry.''  said Rob,

      Rachel Jenkins looked puzzled for a second, and then said, ''That's fine, no need to apologise.  Now, lets see.''  She looked down at a sheet of paper in front of her, then looked up.  ''I'll tell you a little about the job, first, umm, Robert.  Then you can tell me all about yourself.''

     He waited for the voice.  None came, so he just nodded, and forced a look of what he hoped was attentiveness onto his face.  At least he could feel the flush dying down.

     ''As a Library Assistant, you will be helping me, and the other librarians.  Your main duties will entail sorting and shelving returned materials: that is, books, CDs, games and DVDs,  and maintaining the shelves in correct order.  How does that sound?''

     ''That's what I understood, really, from the job description.'' he said, waiting for a comment from the bear.  None came.  I must be doing all right, he thought. 

     Rachel continued.  ''Later, as you gain experience, you will be expected to answer simple enquiries from the library customers, or direct them to ourselves, and perhaps a spot of database work, eventually.  How are your computer skills?'' 

     Rob's mind went blank. He was suddenly tongue-tied.  There was a wide oblong of one-way glass behind Rachel's head, looking out into the library.  There were one or two posters on a noticeboard, opposite the window.  He focused on them, while he tried to calm down, sure he was about to have a panic attack.

     ''Tell her you're computer literate.'' said Paddytum, quickly.  It broke his trance and Rob looked back at Rachel, and replied.  She nodded.  

      ''And how about... interaction with customers?'' she picked up the sheet of paper and studied it.   She cleared her throat.  ''I understand that this is your first job?''  Her voice was even;  kind; unjudgmental, but Rob felt a tremor start in his hands, and the blush was back, with a vengeance.  This was the question he'd been dreading, since the moment he left the Job Centre.

     He looked down at his shaking hands, his head bowed.  He knew that this was the moment when he'd blow the whole thing.  He was horrified to realise that he was about to cry.  He blinked, and got ready to stand, and walk out.  It had been a stupid idea.

     ''Tell her the truth.''  

     ''What?'' said Rob, looking up.  His eyes wandered towards the one-way glass window again.   Rachel repeated her question.  She looked at him, her face concerned.  She probably thinks I'm a bit of a nutter, now, thought Rob.

     ''You have nothing to lose.   Tell her the truth, Robert.  Trust me.''  Paddytum's voice was firm, but kind.   Rob took a deep breath.  Here goes nothing, he thought.

     ''Well, Miss Jenkins.'' he began.  He waited for Paddytum to prompt him.  Then he realised that he was on his own, for this bit.  He looked down, started fiddling with his fingernails.  Then he took another deep breath, and looked straight into Rachel's gentle blue eyes. 

     ''Take your time, Robert.''

     ''Well, the thing is, I'm just very, very shy.'' he said.  ''I always have been, even at school.  And I did well.  I was one of the brightest boys in my class, all my teachers said so. I could have gone on to Uni.  I applied, and I got all the right A Level grades, and several offers.''   He looked down at his fingers again.   ''But I turned them all down.  And it's the same reason I didn't ever look for a job.  Well, not properly,anyway.''

     ''Because of the shyness?'' asked Rachel, gently.    Rob nodded, not daring to look up.  ''What would you have done, if you'd gone to University?  I mean, what course?''

     ''He looked at her.  She was smiling, and seemed genuinely interested in his reply. 

     ''English.  English Lit, probably.'' he said.  ''I love reading.  I used to read a lot.  I even used to read a book while I was walking home from school.''  he chuckled.  ''Bumped into a few lampposts, I can tell you, because I wasn't looking where i was going.''

     Rachel laughed.  ''I used to do that, too.  A dangerous pursuit.   You'd be at home here, then,'' she said. 

     ''Looking good, Robert!'' said Paddytum. 

     Rob crossed his fingers, in his lap.  Suddenly he wanted nothing more in his life than to get this job, lowly though it was. 

     ''I forgot to say, there will also be some minor repair work, on the books.  But we'll train you in that.''  Rob's heart was beating very fast.  She'd said will not would, and we'll not we would.  He clenched his fists, feeling excitement building. 

     ''Oh that's OK.'' he said, with another nervous laugh.  ''I'm very good with my hands.''

     There was a groan from Paddytum.  ''That was ill-judged, Robert, but never mind.''  

     Rachel was smiling, though.  ''I'm willing to give you a chance, Robert.  Maybe... a month's trial?  How does that sound?''

     ''Oh!  Oh, that sounds marvellous.  Brilliant.  Fantastic.''  He was being given a chance.  And he'd be working with this.... this angel.  He stood up, and took a step to the side, putting his hand out to shake Rachel's.   '' Thank you.  Thank you so much.''

     Then he looked down,and saw that his foot had caught the paper carrier bag as he stood, pushing it over to Rachel's side of the desk.   He watched in horror, as it tipped over, and spilled its fuzzy haired occupant onto the carpet, at Rachel's feet.

     Rachel looked at Paddytum, then at Robert, and then back at Paddytum again.  When she finally looked back up at him, he could see, in that look, all his hopes sliding away, and slithering under her office door, carrying his precious, but all too short-lived, self-esteem with them.

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Still angry, but now curious as well.

excerpt from Average Joseph   by aryst0krat