The ride to the cemetery was one I have always dreaded, I could never see myself going there, especially with Andrew. With him here though,I felt stronger than I ever imagined being, stronger than I ever actually have been. The car ride hadn't been what you would call tense but there was something there, something lingering in the air between us. Now standing here I am not sure how much strength I have left, how much longer I can keep the tears at bay. Staring down at the head marker in front of me I slowly ease down to where it is eye-level, gently I lift my hand to the smooth surface tracing the engraving with my fingers.
Angelyn Grace Ryder
An angel taken to soon.
Reading the inscription the tears I had been holding back slip through running down my face. It isn't just the fact that the headstone was made for an innocent child, but that beneath that head stone, in a tiny casket, lay a baby who never got to live. A child that not only didn't get to live but our child. The thought of who we had lost broke me all the more. The tears continue to cascade down my cheeks as I thought back to everything that had happened, how happy and excited we were, how much we had been looking forward to all that was coming, then without a warning it was all taken away. That day we not only lost the one thing in this world we so desperately wanted but then we lost each other. While I sat there, sobbing uncontrollably, a pair of arms wrapped around my shoulders pulling me around so that my face was against someone's chest. The feeling of fingers combing through my hair calm me a bit but the pain from losing our child hurt too much. Once my crying ceased, I leaned back away from Andrew. " I'm sorry about that." I whisper my voice cracking. " Hey, no big deal. We are both hurt by what happened. It's normal to break down. It's even worse on you because you haven't gotten a chance to visit her." He assures me rubbing his arms up and down my arms. " But what about you? Why can you sit here and not shed a tear?" I ask him curiously. " Because, I visit her every other day, I sit here, sometimes hours at a time just to think it through. In the beginning, I cried. There were times when I thought that losing everything meant there was nothing left for me." he trails off. "What?" I ask searching his face for any hint of what he is feeling. "Nothing. Look if you're in town a while and you want to visit don't be afraid to call. I'll be here with you. I'll help you get through this like I am. Alright?" He replies rubbing his hand down my arms once more." Yes. That sounds like a wonderful offer. One I may definitely have to take you up on." I say wiping away the bit off moisture left from my cry fest. " Do you want to head home now? I have to go that way anyways. Thought I would stop by and talk to your father." Andrew adds nodding back towards the car. "Uh, yeah. Sure. Just let me say goodbye first." I tell him taking a step back. " Of course. I'll meet you over there then." He says then kneels down, kissing his hand he lays it against the headstone then stands. Placing a hand on my shoulder he squeezes it then walks off leaving me alone. Standing there I look back at him then turn and kneel at her grave. Placing my hand against the cool stone as Andrew had just a bit earlier I close my eyes saying a silent pray for God to look over our little angel then i make my way back to the car.
On the way back to my parents house I let my mind wonder back to the past, to all those times when we were young and he would take me back home and talk with my parents. " Andrew, while I was away did you still visit my family?" I ask him curiousity getting the best of me. " I did. Same as I always did. It was a habit and I was lonely. You and I weren't the only two suffering, your family did too. They lost a child and a grandchild all around the same time. It was hard for everyone and I had hoped that being around them would help me come to terms with everything."He replies coming to a stop in front of the house. With that said, we both exit the car and make our way up to the house. When I open the door I am greeted to the sight of my sister and parents in a heated arguement while my nephew is staring at them wide-eyed