Out of the BlueMature

He pulled open the door and looked at the FedEx delivery man in confusion. "Who's that from?"

The man shoved the package into Rays arms and quickly pulled out a signing pad. "What the hell do you think I am, an answering machine? I give you the package, you sign the thingy, and we're done. So get on with it."

Ray put the package down slowly and reached out for the signing pad. "Jesus, who shit in your cornflakes this morning."

The FedEx man took the pen out in a quick flick of his wrist, and handed it to Ray. " This can be used as a lethal weapon you prick, so don't piss me off this morning."

Ray looked at the small plastic pen, and then to the man. The FedEx mans eyes watched back in palpable anger. He stood an entire five feet and four inches. Standing before Rays six feet seven inches was somewhat of a comedic scenario. "Look, I'm sorry you're having a bad day, but you really don't have to be such an asshole, it'll get back to you someday."

"Yeah? Like what? You gonna kick my ass? Are you threatening me?" The FedEx man had his chest out and his chin up.

Ray signed the pad and shoved it back into his arms. "Actually I hope you have a better day." He said, while thinking "Actually I hope you get hit by a bus on your way back to that stupid boxvan of yours, ya jackass."

"Really?" Mr.FedEx looked at him, with renewed confidence. "Heh, well you know what? I was wrong about you, you're not all that bad, maybe I will have a better day." Mr.FedEx smiled at Ray and put the signing pad into its holster on his utility belt and nodded to him before turning to walk across the street toward the van. He walked with a lighter step, and a whistle on his way. And as he stepped off the curb, a red mist spewed from his body as a large yellow school bus smashed into him while it's breaks slammed on and the wheels painted the street with rubber and entrails.

"Holy fucking hell!" Ray watched in disbelief as the bus came to a stop and the driver jumped out.

"Oh my god! Oh my god oh my god oh my god!" The bus driver had his hands on his face as he looked at the gruesome scene. "I can't believe I just hit that guy!"

Ray looked arround and then quickly vanished into his home. He picked up the phone and began to dial for 911 and then stopped. "Wait, I just killed that guy!" He looked back through the picture window as the bus driver was frantically yelling on a cell phone, his hands flailing about as he went on. Ray turned back to the phone, and dialed a number. "Hey James, you gotta come over here, right away, something really fucking weird just happened."


"So you told this guy he'd get hit by a bus, and then he got hit by a bus?" James had his shoulders up and his hands out in cluelessness.

"No, I thought it, and then it happened!" Ray was walking arround the poker table in the basement as James, Richard and Andrew sat at it, watching him pace.

"You should have thought that you'd get laid, that would have been much more productive." Andrew said, as he put his feet up onto the table.

"Get your feet off of there!" Ray walked over and pushed his feet down.

"Hey hey whoaw voodoo man. Relax, you might doom me or something." Andrew put his feet back up onto the table.

"Yeah, I might." As Ray watched Andrew balance on the two back legs of the steel chair, he thought again. " I hope you fall on your ass ya ungreatful prick"

A snap echoed throughout the basement and Andrews eyes widened as he lost his balance and fell to the concrete floor. Andrew quickly got up and pointed at Ray. "You made that happen! I know you did!"

Ray looked at him as if he were insane. "What are you talking about?"

"Ray I've played pocker with you, I KNOW when you're lying! And right now? You're lying!" Andrew walked arround the table and grabbed him by the shirt, a smile across his face. "That is so fucking cool! Do something else!"

Ray looked at him with an expression almost resembling fright. "Ugh... ok."
Ray looked at Richard who soon looked arround him to see if perhaps Ray was looking at someone else, before voicing his opinion.

"Stay the hell away from me Raymond!" Richard got up off the chair and backed up to the wall.

"Ah keep your panties on Rick, I'm not going to kill you or anything." Ray said, as he pried Andrew from his shirt.

"Shoulda told that to the FedEx guy smartass." James said, sitting still in his chair with his arms crossed before his chest.

Ray looked at him intently. "I hope Ashely calls you James..."

James shot his arms out."What's so bad about that?"

"... and tells you that your mother in law is comming to stay with you for three months."

James got up off the chair with wide eyes as the rest of them heard his phone ring in vibrate mode. "You gotta be fucking kidding me! Call it off man! I was kidding about the smartass comment! Come on I'll do anything "

"Answer the phone Jameson." Andrew said, with a huge smile on his face.

"Alright alright, this is nonsense, it's all coincidence anyway, it's probably not even...." He looked at number on the caller I.D. "... her." He flicked the phone open and it stopped vibrating. "Hi hun... ugh, what're you up to?"

Andrew looked on, his smile had now become a gaping wide open mouth, his head nodding as if demanding a confirmation of Rays ability.

James' eyes widened and he turned to the wall and spoke in a lower tone. "I realy don't think that's a good idea Ash. Don't you think three months is a bit long?"

Andrew jumped up and down laughing. "Ha hah! That is so awsome! Hey Ray, make some really hot broad show up! Or even better, think " I wish the apocalypse comes about!"

Ray frowned in disagreement, "Ah come on, who's stupid enough to say 'I hope the apocalypse comes about'?"

They all looked about the room as a trembling ran throughout the building and the screams of people were heard out on the street.

"Oh thank god!" James sighed in relief with a smile on his face.

Richard looked at him from the far side of the basement in disgust. "What the hell are you so happy about?"

James sat back down as the screaming and trembling continued, he crossed his legs and arms and sighed again. " I won't have to deal with Ashleys mom anymore... Hey, do you say happy Apocalypse? Or Merry Apocalypse? I was just wondering."

Andrew was shaking his head, "For Christ sake Ray! What about the broad?"


The End

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