One cold night in the dark city of Troy, Hecabe, the evil queen of the city was sleeping with an overdue baby inside her. She slept on the very top of a humongous pile of wolf carcases with a mammoth skin over her for a blanket. Being the torturous witch that she was, when she was 7 years of age she skinned the mammoth with her bare hands while it was alive. She ruthlessly ate the rest of the mammoth. During her sleep in this disgusting lectus cubicularis she dreamt the most horrible dream. In this dream she had a gigantic gut. It was the size of three obese koala bears and it had turned into the colour of thick pumpkin soup. All of a sudden this kid popped out! Hecabe could hardly tell if it was human or not because it looked more like a tree with devilish fire breathing anacondas hanging off it. This awful kid/creature/tree thought he’d go and burn the city of Troy to the ground. So he did. She woke up and cried hysterically.
Hecabe’s husband, Priam, had a son who was an almighty prophet with lots of coins. He knew everything and he told Hacabe and Priam that their upcoming baby would have to be cut up with machetes. This was to save the city of Troy. A short while later Priam’s sister Cilla popped a little ugly baby out. The king, King Bill, ordered the mother and baby to be killed in fear of the Troy’s destruction. Cilla and her awful looking rat of a kid were mulched up right away with a giant coffee bean grinder. That night Hecabe gave birth to her baby. Old boy Bill thought he’d cut Hecabe some slack and not kill her and her kid. He sent the baby away to be exposed on Mount Ida. A couple of days later the baby was still alive. Some random fellow named Harry the Spoon picked the baby boy up and decided to raise him himself. The almighty baby was Paris.