Despite my questions, all of which remained unanswered for a long time may I add, I just sat back and let them do what they 'needed' to do. It came to two days after my admission to McCarthy House and already I felt different. You'd normally think that that meant I was starting to feel 'better', even verging on 'right as rain'. But if I'm honest, I was starting to feel the weight of the settling dust in this place.
That's what I called it, the atmosphere in here... I called in the 'dust'. You could see it blurring your vision as it floated around you, sometimes thicker than other times when somebody moved too quickly or shouted too quickly and gusts of it were blown upwards, settling again soon after. I felt it resting on my shoulders and it made me feel like one of them. Now you do think I'm crazy, right? I can't really see it. It's what you call a metaphor, for the atmosphere. I still had not spoken to any of the others, they made me nervous. I felt like a schoolchild amongst them, like I was just using this building for some other reason and so I didn't need to make any connections.
Porters brought me two more of my bags now that my parents had been told that I'd been told I was staying. There was a small note handed to me with the bags, it read:
Jenna, darling. We are so happy that you are on the road to coming home. It may not seem like it, of course you have just been sent further away from home, but you being there means that very soon you can come back to us. We love you dearly.
Mum and Dad
I read the note twice, trying to make sense of my mother's riddles. I knew this was a mental hospital and I knew that meant that she and dad both thought I was crazy. I didn't understand why she was using none of these words, I didn't understand why she had to make things so flowery all the time.
It came round to dinner time, 6 o clock, on the second day. I'd been sitting on my bed for most of the day, trying to get through 'The Dice Man', when a knock came on my door. I went and opened it and peered around the doorframe to find one of the men in white moving down the corridor, his mechanical arm reaching out as he passed each door, giving it 3 knocks, exactly the same on each door until he reached Molly's door, which he knocked 6 times, very loudly. People emerged slowly and I realised we were off to the canteen. Funny, I'd been here one full day already but my food had been brought to me. Now I was going with them. I threw the book back onto my bed across the room and shuffled out, closing the door almost silently, though I can't recall why... perhaps I was just trying to go unnoticed amongst these staring, drooling creatures.