I tend to fantasize quite a bit about how lovers would confess to one another, so I figured I might as well get out one of my ideas. This one in particular sort of took off, so sorry if it seems to go on forever.
My name is Allison, and I have gotten myself way in over my head.
I guess it's my own fault, though my friend Sam is to blame as well. We hadn't seen each other in forever, and somewhere between that last summer I had seen him, and this spring, when he returned home, our feelings for each other had transformed into something completely different. Now when I looked at him, I didn't just see my best friend, I saw this really amazing guy, who was tall, but average in build, had golden brown bed-head hair, beautiful blue eyes, and a smile that made me, in a very cliched way, weak at the knees. And for some reason, when he looked at me, this short girl, with plain brown eyes, freckles and dark brown hair, he saw something just as enchanting. It happened just last week.
We spent the entire afternoon, just catching up and having fun, like you would do with any other friend. Except that I wanted more from Sam. I just never could get the guts to tell him so. We started off walking around the mall. When I said I was tired we sat down for a moment. Luckily the mall had some pretty comfy chairs in this sitting area outside this ice cream shop. I didn't want to eat in front of him just in case I dropped something on my shirt, yet Sam insisted that I needed to try his favorite ice cream sundae, so I allowed him to go and buy one. I tried to pay for half of it but he said it was on him since it was his idea. He came back with a humongous sundae with three different scoops of ice cream, whipped cream, nuts, chocolate syrup, and numerous cherries on top.
"I told the girl at the counter to make sure to put on extra cherries, since I was going to share with a friend. She saw you sitting over here and thought you were my girl friend."
We both laughed, though it was sort of awkward. He handed me a spoon and we dug in. I thought it would be hard for me to have conversation with him since I usually sit back and listen, but we started 'people watching', and there was no lull in our chat whatsoever. When we finished I was stuffed.
"Ohhh. I'm not going to eat ice cream for a month." I complained. Sam laughed and then suggested that we walk around and look in a few stores. We went almost everywhere. We went to the book store and pointed out some of our favorite books. I found out we wanted to buy the same book series, so we agreed to buy half of the series each and share the books. When we walked past a Victoria's Secret store, Sam pulled me back, and had me pretend that we were shopping for lingerie together. It was mortifying but hilarious to see the look on the sales attendant's face when we said we were only sixteen.
The mall we were at was connected to a movie theater, so we decided on a bad movie to see together. Sam kept making jokes in the theater, making me laugh hysterically, then someone would shush us, and we would both lose it. Eventually the movie ended, and it was getting dark. Sam wasn't ready for a good night yet though.
"Come on, let's go for a walk in the park." he said, smiling at me.
"It's almost 8 pm though. Don't you ever wear yourself out?" I said giggling a little, and pushing his arm playfully.
"Just come on! You won't regret spending just a few more minutes with me." Sam grabbed both my hands and pulled me out the doors of the mall. He turned to walk correctly, so he let go of one of my hands, but my right hand was still grasped in his left. The walk to the park was only five minutes. The sun was still setting, so there was still enough light out that you could see, but a few streetlights were coming on now. The park was medium sized, with your usual walking paths, benches, play sets for little kids, and trees of course. Sam finally let go of my hand when we started walking down the first path in the park.
"So did you have fun today?" he asked, putting his hands into his pockets.
"Hell yeah! Sam, dude, you're just too crazy for me not to have had a good time with." I said energetically.
"How am I crazy?" Sam asked, pretending to be offended.
"Well, not everyone would have the guts to go up to a total stranger and ask if they wanted a lap dance, in the middle of the mall. I swear, I was ready to disown you right there." We both laughed then.
"I'm glad I hung out with you today Alli."
I smiled widely at him. "I am too, babe!"
And that was when, I wanted to kill myself for saying the most ridiculous thing ever. Sam and I had both stopped walking. I just stared at him in horror. Not because I wanted any kind of response from him, but because my body, for whatever reason, decided not to obey my mind's commands to run.
Sam laughed after just standing there for a few seconds. "Babe? Damn Alli, I didn't know you were into pet names. Should I be calling you 'sweetie pie' from now on?"
In my mind I had sighed in relief. He hadn't taken it the wrong way. Or rather, the right way. The way I wished I could let him take it, but was too much a coward to risk the effort. I just laughed with him as best I could.
"Sorry! It's just that I made a lot of girl friends and we all call each other 'babe' all the time."
"Oh, I guess that makes sense." Sam continued walking.
We walked for a few minutes, and silence had stretched over us. I wondered what he was thinking about, and what I could say to get him talking again. Just as I was contemplating making up an excuse to bail, Sam stopped. I stopped too, and looked at him. He had this look on his face like he was concentrating.
"Sam?" I asked, concerned.
"Can I ask you something serious?"
My heart jumped at this, nevertheless I answered in a calm tone. "Sure."
He hesitated for a moment, perhaps editing what he wanted to ask, and then he said, "Do you like me?"
"Yeah, of course. We wouldn't be here talking if I didn't like you." I smiled, even though I knew I was avoiding the question for as long as possible.
"No, I don't mean 'do you like me like a friend?', I mean 'do you like me like...I want to see you happy, and I want to be with you?'" It was almost like he was out of breath at this point. His eyes were pleading for a merciful answer. Sam had his share of girls who had broken his heart, and some who pretty much tore his heart out with their hands, threw it on the ground, and proceeding to pulverize it with their feet. He had come to the conclusion that he wasn't meant to be in love. I would always have to reassure him that the only problem was that he picked crappy girls. He believed me, but he was always so careful with his heart now. And here I was contemplating proving his theory right. I couldn't keep protecting my feelings if that meant I had to destroy his confidence. I hated to see him hopelessly defeated.
"Well, actually...yes. I really...really like you." I forced myself to look deliberately into his eyes as I said this.
A glow came to his face. "You're serious?"
"Very." I was shifting my eyes around now. I could tell I was blushing now, because my face was on fire.
Sam grabbed my chin lightly and tilted my head upwards to look him straight in the eye.
"Hey," he said softly. "I like you too."
I just laughed awkwardly at this. How was I supposed to respond to a comment like that?
"What? You think I'm messing with you?" He was giving me that perfect crinkle eyed smile.
"No, I believe you. I just can't believe this is happening right now." My voice kept getting lower and lower. I had my arms crossed against my chest now, and I was looking at the ground.
"So why hadn't you told me before?" he asked.
"Same reason you didn't tell me apparently. 'Cause it's embarrassing." I was biting my bottom lip lightly from nervousness. I stopped promptly, becoming self conscious.
"Do that again," he said with a smile slowly creeping across his face again.
"Bite your lip again. It was cute." His voice smoldered. I just continued to look at him and raised one eyebrow. What, was he into kinky stuff?
"Or," he said. "should I bite it for you?" He took a step closer to me. The heat of his body was overwhelming me now. I had never seen this aggressive side of him before. It was both intimidating and very sexy.
I looked away from his eyes, towards the ground. "Well, I wouldn't be upset if-"
And then, Sam's lips were on mine. The heat of his lips seemingly commanded that mine would fill with blood, in answer. They were softer than I could have ever imagined. I could feel both our pulses. They were the same, fluttering beat that suggested we had just ran a marathon. He left no space between our bodies now, and I was aware of every inch of him. His right hand was on the small of my back and his left held my face, the thumb caressing my cheek softly, but the palm keeping my head from moving away from him. There was no way that I could think of retreating. I let my arms wrap around his body, drawing him even tighter to me. He smelled intensely of cinnamon and ceder wood. It was all I could smell now. I was giving in to this lustful kiss, and I was almost willing myself to fall deeper into him. There was nothing but us, kissing passionately. We could have been standing there for days. Hell, we could have been floating into oblivion for all I knew.
Then, he broke away. My body immediately missed the warmth I had just been submerged in. The realization of what just happen sunk in as my logical mind came back to me. Things would never be the same between us. That kiss had changed it all.