One Pint, Please

A drunk just wants another Pint, please.

It was early December. Snow fell upon the countryside, and cold, unrelenting winds whipped across houses and tree tops. A small country town sat rather like a decorative looking diorama, basically a single line of shops with surrounding houses, and a large pub situated smack bang in the middle. Just as snow began to pelt down the hardest it had all day, a drunken local stumbled aimlessly onto the threshold in a heavy cloak, their collar upturned. Already booted from several pubs up the road, the man proceeded with caution through the crowded pub to the bar, where the barmaid was watching him suspiciously as she cleaned a dirty glass with a dirtier rag.

‘’lo,’ the drunk said, grasping the bar for support. ‘One Pint, Please Miss.’

‘Now Jasper,’ the barmaid said sternly, ‘you’re not going to make a scene are you?’

‘No Miss.’ Jasper assured her.

‘One Pint,’ the barmaid said forcibly, pouring some liquid into the glass she’d been cleaning, ‘but just one, alright?’

‘’Course,’ Jasper said, his mouth sparkling gold as he grinned broadly.

The barmaid nodded, planted the glass on the bar just as Jasper placed two pound fifty.

‘Thanks,’ Jasper grasped the glass and took a swig.

He felt the smooth, refreshing liquid slither down his throat, his insides warming immensely despite the cold. He swayed on the spot; the only thing stopping him from falling over was the bar he leaned on. And yet, he drank again. This time he drank a bit more, the glass was half empty when he put it back onto the bar for the second time- or was it half full? Finally, with one more gulp, the rest of his pint passed his lips and he wiped his mouth with his sleeve.

‘Thanks Miss,’ he coughed to the barmaid before turning on the spot and waltzing out of the pub with impressive ease despite his condition.

Outside the pub he turned up the collar on his cloak and continued up the street, staggering every now and then. Finally after a good five minute walk and a few corners later, he was standing outside yet another pub. So, just like he had before, he pushed his way in and across the slightly less crowded room to the barmen at the front.

‘One Pint, please.’

 

The End

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