So ColdMature

Why is the world so harsh to the ones who just want a chance to get over their past?

It seems that after I told everyone to not mess with me because I'm already messed up (not in those words exactly) they've been distant.

Especially the ones who used to sit with me before (I don't even know whether the person you were talking to told you. It wouldn't surprise me though.)

If you're reading this..... you can't just come back to school and act like this.

Its not on.

I literally see the disgust in your face when you see the empty seat next to me and think that you might have to sit next to me. Then you find the next empty seat.

It's been two days. TWO DAYS. And already you're being like this?

Does it have to be that I have to tell you my secret before you can treat me like normal again.

Just because I said I'd thought about killing myself before doesn't I get to be ignored. Because that will make it so much better. Everyone is an idiot and I can't take it.

I can't figure out girls logic.

You don't walk with me. Like you used to so we could talk. Don't fucking say its because I have one earphone in and that makes me hard to talk to. It doesn't. If people had been a real friend and not changed their minds about where their friendship lies every two weeks or so, maybe I'd open up for once.

I don't know if my year 9 English teacher is reading this, know that year 9 English was literally one of the only things that made me happy that year. Actually being able to write.

Writing makes me happy.

Sometimes.

But seriously, if you ditch me to go walk with a guy... (who can not be counted as a guy, (I'm not just saying that))

And I'm sick of someone hurting me and then not apologizing. Did you know that I have feelings? Did you know that I might have been depressed? Did you know that I-

No.

Only two people know that secret and I don't want to have to tell anyone else just to not be treated this way. Like 'oh keep your distance because she's suicidal'

I never actually tried to do it, ok?

 

Did you know, because of the amount of bullying and shit I've been put through, I might be changing schools. I didn't want anyone from school to know because it might not happen, and it might not be this year.

I don't want to stay at that place. Not when its full of people who probably hate me, try to distance themselves from me and people who just pick on me for no other reason other than the fact that I taught myself how to play piano and I came first. (Thats why everyone hates me in music)

 

I'm so sorry.

But I've done nothing wrong.

I don't know what to do anymore.

I'm dropping down in school and I find it hard to concentrate, I'm finding it hard to write and read wen usually those are the things that come easy to me and I'm finding it so hard to be that person who doesn't care about anything anymore.

I'm scared.

I don't want my world to stay this dark like it used to be.

I can't find solace in my piano anymore.

Theres just nothing.

The End

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