Once upon a time there was a man, and he was a good man. He paid his taxes and went to Church every Sunday, he gave money to the poor and held doors open for older people. He was the epitome of all things good and proper. That was of course until he finally tracked down the parents that had him adopted. You see the man, lets call him Christian, was born out of wedlock, he was illegitimate and in the little catholic village he was born in that just wasn’t right. So his parents left him at a convent and he grew up to be a wonderful man. That was, as I mentioned before, until he met his real family. You see his family are bad people and they set him on the dark path that makes up our story, our tale of sex, lies and bloodshed.
The man was set in his ways, like many of us Christian didn’t like change, but unfortunately it’s a fact of life everyone has to deal with sooner or later. Things were changing, his local church was closing down and it was time for him to move on. Of course he was supposed to move onto another church and settle down there, he wasn’t meant to try and dig up his past, because sometimes things get dug up that were best left buried. That was the trend at the time, everyone was tracking down long lost relatives and making their family tree, it sounds ridiculous but that’s how things were back then. It was a long time ago and things just weren’t the same as they are today. Family will always be important to people, even if it is family no one knew existed, even if these new members of the family had their own ways that weren’t the same as ours.
Change can be great but sometimes it can tear things apart. You won’t find a better example of that than Christian’s story, although of course it was a tale he didn’t set out to tell, he didn’t have a choice, some tales are just destined to be told.
Christian’s descent into the unknown began the day he walked out of his community’s church for the last time. The pastor said his goodbyes to his favourite parishioner, expecting him to join another congregation so he could continue his journey with the lord. The pastor didn’t expect him to meet his long lost brother, pick up a ’44 and run riot through a retirement community, but then I guess everyone’s a little bit fucked in the head aren’t they.
We could go back a bit and look at the moment Christian met his family, but then we would only be voyeurs at a quaint family reunion, and we wouldn’t want to gatecrash that Hallmark moment would we? No, lets just stick to the interesting bits. I’m sure we’d all rather watch Christian make a taxi driver deep throat the barrel of a 12 gauge or fuck a prostitute in an alley than watch him drink cocoa with his dear old mum.
So lets zoom ahead a bit, ignore the formal moments of doldrum and skip to the juicy bits of pure unadulterated mayhem.
Are you ready? Because you might want to find yourself a nice clean sick bag, things are about to get very, very nasty.