Good God, help me. I’m obsessed. I am classifiably, completely certifiably, obsessed! How did I get to this point? I don’t get it! It’s the same addictive behaviour that certain un-named family members have shown for years; except, instead of the bottle, I’m obsessed with a guy I don’t even know. And, yeah, leave it to me to get all obsessed with one on another continent. You’re always good at wanting the ones you can’t have, aren't you? Hmm… go figure. Couldn’t be a coincidence, could it? No, no… Want what you can’t have so that it’s safe and you can’t get hurt. After all, when all you know is his name and that he can get you off with just his words, how much damage can he really do? How invested can you really be? Well, invested enough, apparently, that it’s all I can think about… I’m driving and there he is… Jesus… I’m at work at he invades my consciousness... I'm talking to my bloody mother on the phone and, wham, there he is... Like a smack upside the head, there he goddamn is! It’s perverse and disgusting… But there it is. I can tune out of a conversation mid-sentence and, suddenly, I’m wondering what he’s doing or what I’d like to be doing to him. It’s not fair. You can only be too goddamn sure that the same thing is not going on in his mind. Pathetic! FREAK! you’re nothing but a big freak. What the hell am you supposed to do with this? Where the hell are you supposed to go? Why you? Well obviously because you’re the idiot who started the whole thing. You’re the idiot who can’t get him out of your head. GET A GODDAMN GRIP!!!!!!!!!! Get your mind out of his pants and back on things that you can actually do something about. ARHG! Quit thinking about whether he could make the room spin when he kisses you! Stop thinking about his tongue... His hands in your hair... Just stop! Those blue eyes... QUIT IT! Quit thinking about running away from your life. Leaving the country... the continent... the hemisphere is not going to solve the problems that you have here. Logically, you must know that. Turn it off. Turn him off. Do it! Switch it off!

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excerpt from Pennywise Thoughts   by Alissa_Annette