The Idiots of Idiot

The planet Idiot was nestled deep in the heart of the Galaxy, in a place where space was not so spread out and baron, but alive with activity and excitement. There was a lot of stellar traffic in this area, and many broken up spaceships. Because of the vast size of the Universe, people often forgot that there were other people around to bump into. Colliding into someone at light speed doesn't usually end well for anyone involved.

"I can see why you brought me here," I muttered, "Filled with your sort."

"You mean normal people?" Stella raised an eyebrow, "I have half a mind to abandon you in the middle of nowhere you know. See how you like wondering around in a vacuum at absolute zero for a few hours."

I was about to come up with a witty retort (honestly, I was) when the ship gave a sudden lurch, knocking us off our feet. The lights crashed out and the artificial gravity shut off. Several mouldy liquids begun floating through the air (I could now understand the importance of washing up) and Stella was cursing in her own language which sounded similar to a cat meowing.

"You see! You can't drive this ship!" I flailed out in mid air, trying to grab onto something, or Stella, "You've crashed it."

"I didn't crash it, idiot. It broke. Not my fault you don't fix your ship properly."

I hit the ceiling of the ship with my head and cried out. Stupid ceilings. Wasn't even an interesting ceiling. Don't you just hate it when buildings are all fancy and decorated but the ceiling has been left a boring white colour? I know most people don't tend to look up all that much, but still. What happens if you do look up? You've been taken in by the grandeur of wherever you happen to be, and BLAM: Instant disappointment.

You know what? I should be an architect. A ceiling architect. Who travels in time. I could get the job done before the person even asked for it! (Note to self: if I survive this, go to the library and get out 'Architecture for Dummies'.)

I pushed off the ceiling, gliding to the floor. The ship sounded completely silent. No engines. No power. Nothing. We were a lump of space debris orbiting the planet Idiot.

Suddenly there was a flash of light and Stella lit up the room with something on her arm. I fumbled for my sunglasses and quickly put them on, holding them on my head with one hand so they wouldn't float away.

"What's that?" I demanded.

"A torch. A good torch. I'm contacting Idiot, they might be able to help us. If we don't get this working we'll spiral down into their planet and crash somewhere."

"I don't need help from idiots," I said angrily, pushing random buttons on the ship.

"You don't know what you're doing," Stella said, gliding towards me in an annoyingly graceful manner.

"Yes I do. Shut up."

I reached for a lever, but Stella hit my hand away quickly.

"Are you crazy? That'll make things worse!"

"How will it? It's a stabilizing... thing."

"No it's not."

"Yes it is. I thought I told you to shut up."

I pushed the button, and the ship instantly launched millions of pieces of confetti into the air. Maybe installing the 'party panel' hadn't been such a good idea after all...

The End

14 comments about this story Feed