The Hobby of Complaining

I hope you have gathered yourself together after the disturbing and horrific information I shared with you in the last chapter. I understand that it can be greatly distressing, and may change your life forever. If you want to forget this information then email steve@steve.steve

The supernova was very disappointing, and didn't help rid my hangover whatsoever. Fortunately, all was not lost, as I had already formulated a plan B. This plan was very simple - go shout at someone.

I steered the ship in the general direction of the central galactic hub - the so called 'capital of the galaxy'. It was a man made construction, occupying a space as large as a solar system. It was never quite clear whether a solar system had existed where the galactic hub now stood. Some environmentalists claimed that a beautiful selection of worlds filled with life were peacefully orbiting their star, when savage construction workers blew it up and started building the galactic hub. I'd go back and check, but I didn't exactly care. I also knew that most of the time environmentalists were full of complete rubbish.

The galactic hub was made up of a web of satellites that orbited around the massive central rooms (MCR - also apparently the abbreviation of a popular Earthen band. If you are a fan before 2012, I'd burn all your CDs now. It doesn't end well, trust me). It branched off in all directions, streaming out into space like an untamable metal giant. It was quite possibly the most confusing and spectacular place you'd ever visit in the galaxy. The silver sheets of metal gleamed in the distant starlight, and reflected the vast crab nebula that engulfed the whole of the capital in a misty green glow. Trillions of people voyaged to the surrounding satellites and the MCR every day. Some were there on business trips, other were simply tourists. Then there were those like me - who were going to complain.

The MCR contained all the 'important people' in the galaxy - those that supposedly ran it. It had been decided that no single person should control the galaxy alone. There were just too many stars and planets for one person to deal with, and messing up wouldn't just cause someone to not receive their monthly heating allowance - it would cause the death of a star system or two. So instead 300ish people ran the galaxy, overseeing different sections but 'working' as a whole.

However there was a big problem with this idea. Think about the type of person who would want to run a galaxy. They would be arrogant, power hungry and completely in love with themselves. They would believe they, and only they, were right. This is not too bad when the person is in isolation. But naturally, problems occur when 300 of these people sit in a room together and try and decide how they're going to rule the galaxy. Needless to say, it doesn't go all that well.

On the plus side it does provide some interesting drama. There is no longer a need for soap operas (an odd Earthling custom which involved bad acting and a presumed target audience of uneducated five year olds). It was not uncommon for there to be a few nuclear explosions every day thanks to Mr. Bob falling out with Mr. Steve over a moon on Regulus-6 or about whether or not Uranus should be renamed because the inhabitants are getting bullied due to the rude name.

I landed the ship with a sharp thud. In case you're wondering, about five seconds of time have passed since I was watching the supernova. The whole 'you can't travel faster than light' thing is utter nonsense, invented purely to make old-time Physicists feel better.

I put on my sunglasses and stepped out of my ship, looking forward to my daily fix of moaning about stuff. Life was good.

The End

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