Observations and recordings.
I have oft noticed a tendency of redundancy in one's habits. One dislikes participating in an activity, so one avoids that activity, or, per say, ignores it entirely. This is particularly unuseful when one must do that activity. It ends up in the miniscule corner of late night when one should be in bed. Accordingly, one gets very little sleep and does a --shall I say?--terrible or unbest job on above mentioned mandatory activity. I notice this, and yet I encounter an especially forceful forcefield between oneself and changing oneself's habits.
I notice as well that I tend to use "oneself" in place of "myself", perhaps because as a human, I desire no blame of my troubles. Dare I use it? Myself, then. It is terribly difficult to even get near that forcefield. One--I--break towards it at a run and am thrust backwards by a large amount of energy. It seems nigh impossible to pass through that barrier of self-will.
How, then, shall I? I pose this question and shall return at a later time and, perhaps, place, to attempt an answer. Now, I must have another try at that barrier of mine own self.