nothing but time, yet no time at all

time is a valuable thing, more valuable to some than it is to others. time is always ticking away, what will happen to you each day? Well some people are more obsessed with time than others...

Olivia is more obsessed with time than most people, but she sure has a good reason to be.

[will be continuing at some point after exams finish]

It was exactly 4 years and 10 months ago that I had started dating this beautiful man, 4 years and 8 months since I told him ‘yes’ when he asked me to be in a relationship with him, 3 years and 11 months since I had screamed with joy and accepted his hand in marriage, 3 years and 10 months since I found out I was bearing his first child; and 3 years, one month and one week ago since I gave birth to my first born child- Jaxon. 4 years and 10 months is the same 58 months, which is approximately 232 weeks. 232 weeks is 1,624 days, which calculates to 38,976 hours. That means in total we have spent 2,338,560 minutes together; or 140,313,600 seconds. And that is only time spent since dating.

We had a meal together and took a few hours out of what we were doing every Saturday night. So that is 3 hours a week for 4 years and 10 months. That means we have spent around 232 Saturday evenings eating together, which is approximately 626 hours we have spent in each other’s company away from the stresses of life.

We would spend 6 hours every Sunday gaming together, both being a fan of games and enjoying the release it provides. Sometimes we would play on the same console together or game next to each other on our own consoles. That would then approximately be 1,392 hours we have spent gaming side by side, raging and cheering each other on.

We have both spent 4 days a week for 8 hours each day apart working. Which is approximately 32 hours a week, 128 hours a month and around 7,424 hours in total we have spent apart working. This therefore means we have actually only spent around 31,552 hours together.

Every moment you spend texting, working, overthinking, plotting, tossing and turning adds up. It takes around 28 seconds to type the average text, most people send at least 18 texts a day minimum. That means the average person spends around 504 seconds texting a day. This means in a year the average person spends 183,456 seconds a year texting.  That’s 183,456 seconds each year wasted on your phone, rather than socialising face-to-face.

You might be asking yourself why I have such an obsession with time and calculating it; especially when calculating all these years, days, months, hours, minutes and seconds must be wasting precious amounts of time as it is. Well, the answer to that question is because I exactly 1 year, 11 months, 15 days, 9 hours and 22 minutes ago I was diagnosed as terminally ill with cancer. I have spent a large proportion of my time since diagnosis in hospital, attached to my best friend Ivy (the drip), having consultations and feeling nauseous and ill. Though, Robert is unaware that I am terminal. It is today that  I have to tell him. I have spent 1 year 11 months, 15 days, 9 hours and 24 minutes letting him believe I can recover from this and beat it. When in fact, the treatment is only to help slow it down.

Whilst writing this I am awaiting him to walk through the door and see the original diagnosis records that I have conveniently left in the middle of the table where he checks for his mail.

My phone just went off, I was on for approximately 15 minutes and 40 seconds. It was the hospital, he has been involved in a car crash. They’ve taken him down to theatre and I can wait for him In ICU. His condition is critical.

It was then I realised what a pickle I was in…

If he doesn’t make it… I have around 14 months left. Who will be there to look after Jaxon?

The End