Switch to Velcro shoes in attempt to save time
(at least before you take into consideration, your love of fleece pants for jogging).
Put a bell on your bike just so you can ring it obnoxiously while passing certain houses (it's obvious)
Shave your Papillon (also called the Continental Toy Spaniel) during the summer because her hair keeps getting in her ice cream dish
Carry a clipboard around with you as a means of enabling your superiority complex