Just letters to myself, random things about encouragement, being real with myself.. being open with myself.
And because I loved, I saw you...
I saw how ugly you are without color, because the hue of your smile curved on your face like rainbows do, and because I loved you, your colors show when it rains.
When it's black and white but you continue to smile through the pain.. Yeah, I notice.
I notice you try to be the tough guy when it comes to breaking down.. And so you're staying strong, truly breaking yourself trying to let what hurts not break you but.. it's okay to cry.
And I also notice that has become a habit of yours..
Laugh now cry later.. looks more like.. Don't let them see your weakness, run and hide because that's safer.. BUT when they find you, you'll lie and pretend like everything is okay.
You're the one lying to yourself... I hate it when you do that....
Eventually, you'll end up believing the lies you tell and will then end up wondering what in the hell is wrong with you..
Have I ever told you how beautiful you are in the sunlight? How your eyes twinkle like stars do even in the daylight.
I know it makes you feel good. Your confidence..
The kind you have when you know you look good that day and your curls bounce off your shoulders when you walk.
The confidence that makes everyone stare and you start to sing.. and even your laughter sounds like music to me.
I get chills when that happens.. and I can tell you're happy.
I know sometimes you fight the fall.. but maybe we need to fall so that we can avoid tripping over the same steps. Learning to grow and be happy inside of ourselves.
Especially being someone like you.
I love being you.
So love me back...