I didn't reply, but thought about her words.
“It's the victorious who write history and that's going to be us. No one is expecting you to deal with everything you experience all by yourself. It's why we're here and it's why we're strong...and it's why we'll survive.”
“...I don't feel like I deserve to.”
Black nervously came in close again and gently held my head in her hands, forcing me to look up at her. I could tell that she was serious, but also a bit hurt by what I'd done.
“When you joined us, I saw something in you that gave me hope again. That there's still a place for us to go back to out there. You gave me a reason to keep fighting. For the longest time, it was just about territory and dominance. I've never really thought about why we were doing this. I would always tell myself that it was for the 'greater good' and that would supposedly excuse my actions.”
“Black...I don't know if I belong here...or anywhere...” I said quietly.
“Listen. We need you. I...need you.” She was gazing right into my eyes.
With those last few words, I just broke down in pathetic tears. Black seemed to understand and gently embraced me. She held onto me rather tightly and I basically melted in her arms. I didn't remember ever really letting myself cry this much in my life and I wasn't sure if I was to feel humiliated or relieved. I also had no memory of being embraced like this before.
“I'm so sorry, Black...” I cried miserably into her shoulder.
“Don't worry, it's gonna be alright.” Her voice was reassuring.
“I can get some-”
“No, please don't leave...” I held on, not wanting to be alone again.
“Alright, I'll stay. Do you think you can get some rest now?”
“I don't know...will you be here?”
“I did say I'll stay.”
“Okay...w-will you be close when I fall asleep?”
“Not sure what you mean by that.” She said, looking slightly confused.
“Can you, maybe, be beside me...um...”
“I think I get it. The thing is, people might talk.”
“Talk about what?” Even though I knew, I wanted to hear her answer.
“Us...uh, you know...Like, not that we are if you don't want be to but...uh...yeah...” Her flustered expression was amusing.
“We can talk about it after I get some sleep. I haven't been able to lately.”
“Alright. I'll be here.” She smiled faintly.
I doubted I'd get any sleep being this nervous, but I laid down and tried to relax. She sat next to me and looked through some of the magazines.
“Yeah?” Her eyes were on me again.
“I think I'd...rather have you lay next to me...maybe...?”
Her expression was unreadable again and I could see a brief hint of desire in her eyes.
“Sorry, my mind sorta broke there a second. And, uh...sure, I guess. If it'll make you feel better.”
“I'm sure it will...”
“Alright. Just so you know, I tend to get a little...uhh...what's the word...Basically, if you let me hug you like this, I might not let go.” There was a bit of redness to her face.
“Wow, didn't think you were the type to do that sort of thing.”
“Y-yeah, don't tell anyone, got it?”
Black laid down next to me and held me close. Turns out her words were true since she had me near her the entire night. My nervousness seemingly melted away as her once threatening presence was now warm and reassuring.