My wrists feel weird. First of all, they hurt. Of course they will, duh. Imagine having a piece of thick tape on your wrist. You know the feeling of trying to bend your wrist and your skin folding or stretching or of it just not being attached? I can't tell Karem what I want to tell her... I wish she hadn't tried.
I wish I had died. Its just going to be worse for me now. I have no chance at being a normal high school student. No chance at getting anybody else close to me. All I wanted was to stop hurting people and stop being in pain, myself. But instead I'm in a hippie green room at Bridges to Cross, an institution.
"Alright! I got you an 'On The Fritz' frappe with cookie dough and caramel chunks." Jade stumbled into the room licking the condensation off of the lid of one of the two cups she was carrying. I stuck my tongue just barely out of my mouth as a little gesture. Maybe it meant 'Yum'.
She grabbed a heated hand towel from the little metal cabinet that keeps blankets and such warm. I didn't know the technical name. She dried off her hands and you could see her embrace the warmth for a moment then dried the outside of the cups off, handing me mine.
She sat down on the bed and I struggled feeling heavier than I know I am and wrestled away from the blankets to lay my head in Jade's lap. I watched Jade struggle with the straw wrapper as I just liked at the cream. We sat there for a while, not saying anything. Then she spoke, "I can't believe I'm here. Here with my sister, who was only half alive seven days ago."
"I know," I responded chowing on a caramel chunk, "Death didn't work, maybe the opposite will. I'll just try from now on. I don't regret it. I let fate choose for me and its chosen. I'm too indecisive."
"Hey darling!" Chimed the perky nurse/guard that checked in only an hour ago. Her perfect red hair bounced with life into the room along with her like another being. She had a beautiful American voice and style but I was convinced she was German. Olive skin with precise freckles and piercing green eyes to outshine my room and contrast her reflective bunt orange locks.
I began to reach for my bed side dresser for my deck of cards but she stopped me after fishing a file out of her large coat and sitting it down. "I'm sorry honey. I can't stay long. I'd love to play SlapJack later tonight though. I'm on the night shift. But I just came in to drop off your file for Dr. Deacon. I don't know if you remember but he's the one who evaluated you the first day you were check in. I can't believe it was only four days ago. Oh!"
Her beeper interrupted her rambling and she began to race out of the room, remembering just in time to wave goodbye with a smile. As she walked out, Dr. Deacon walked in. Without looking at me or Jade sitting in the chair, he started inspecting my room suspiciously.
Alyssa was right, (Alyssa was the nurse's name) I didn't remember this guy. I don't remember much after the first day in the hospital. I remember everything being fast, blurry and hot the first day. But then, after I stabilized, the moved me to Bridges to Cross. I remember going stiff. I wouldn't walk. And I blocked out any of their rules stated during evaluation.
But Alyssa started playing SlapJack with me and I came back a little I guess. This guy really is a creep! Goddamn! "Is there a reason why you are mutilating my soap bars?" I asked, eyeing his meaty hands crumbling my soap. "Razors, aluminum, jagged plastic..." Deacon stated, watching his hands and writing in his notebook. I wanted to go off on him but I really had no reason to. I was in his jurisdiction now.
"Ah. So is that ll you're here for?" Came out of my mouth a little more aggressive sounding than I wanted it to be. "No." He simply said still studying the room when he struck me like lightning with his eyes and for the first time, really made eye contact with me. "I let you in here, now I''m going to let you out." He made a pathetic attempt at a smile.
"I have a schedule planned out for you. Now by now you must attend Bridges to Cross for at least ten days for a proper evaluation and stability check. So for you remaining six days we will organize your housing arrangements for when you leave and how you will be getting your education.
Realizing just how much would change I was thankful he seemed to be organized. "Well, actually, I live with my friend Karem-" He cut me off, "That's how you pronounce it! Yeah, she's actually talking to the Newlands right now. Especially after your incident, they are so willing to foster you for the remainder of your high school years.
Judge Mockness has decided since you missed your court date, evidently it wasn't your highlighted event. He's decided instead of rescheduling or any of that jazz, that you will stay with the Newlands for the remainder of ninth grade and you will decide then if you want to be moved to the Juvenile Detention Centers waiting home and be appointed new guardians if you wish to be parted from the Newlands."
"Ok." I felt like I needed to add more. "And education? Am I going to the same school?" I asked. "Sort of." He flipped to a page in my file. "Who are your two favorite teachers? No encore." Odd question, but he's odd. So whatever. "Miss Moore, my English teacher and Mrs. Pavron for math." He smiled, "Well, you're not difficult at all. P-A-V-R-O-N. Ok! Well you're going to go to the same school but you are going to be going in the afternoon from three to six. Atleast for this year."
"That sounds great, Doc. Thank you. I don't like having to figure stuff out by myself." I said, yawning. "Well, it doesn't look like you're going to have to. You have two really great friends. Good luck Tekanero." He smiled. Not one of those stupid phony smiles that doctors usually give their patients. A genuine one. He left the room but not before replacing my bar of soap with a new one from one of the cabinets in the shower.