Restaurants can be awfully stuffy places, full of rules of etiquette to follow and limited choices to make.

This makes them ripe for a bit of nonsensing.

I tick a box on the cipboard, then on second thoughts draw a small spaceship in the box instead. Then, since you can't have a spaceship by itself, I sketched a cowboy riding it and lassoing a swan. Handing the clipboard back to Percy, who rolls his eyes, I strip off and get in the shower, then put on my best suit.

Of course, putting it on in the shower tends to make it a bit wet and soapy, so I roll around on the carpet, using it like an enormous floor towel. The suit is pretty spectacular, it's actually about 100 different suits in one. A suit for every occasion was cut into small 5 inch by 5 inch squares then they were all jumbled up and sown back together again. My suit fits in everywhere.

"So Percy, " I said, patting him on the head, "where are we off to today?"

Percy held up the clipboard and tapped on a map that was attached. My swan seemed to be defecating on the city centre.

"Ahh, very nice. We wont have any problems getting in will we?"

"No sir. We've made a reservation and have informed the maître d' that their client is somewhat... eccentric. It's all taken care of."

With that I ran out of the building, jumped on my bicycle and peddled off to the restaurant, Percy running behind me as fast as he could.

When I arrived at the restaurant, the place was packed. I entered carrying my bicycle.

"Uh, sir, you can't bring that in here."

"I have a reservation. And put this in the freezer will you?" I said, handing him the bicycle, "I like my bikes to be kept cool."

Passing the bewildered employee, I sat down at the table which was obviously mine. It was already stacked high with flans. About 10 minutes later, Percy arrived, panting and sweating. I waved him over.

"Uh sir, you can't sit here, we have your reserved table in the VIP lounge sir."

"What! Of course this is my table, don't you see the flans! The flans!"

"It's the dessert display table sir, the flans are our speciality this week."

"Well, I love flans, so this table will do just fine. I'll have them all."

"All of them sir?"

"Yes. And there is a good reason too," I said, noticing that a lot of the restaurant was now paying me attention, "allow me to tell you a story."

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The world can be frightfully dull place at times. Everything progresses in an orderly fashion, we are surrounded by plain, grey boring buildings where nothing odd happens and everything makes perfect sense.

The boredom, the mundanity of it all is killing us.

Nonsense, Inc. is one of the few organisations that can say it it is truly trying to save the world. Their agents are everywhere. That hobo in the alley, that irate waiter, that purple swan in your closet, ESPECIALLY the purple swan in your closet...

Nonsense, Inc. fights the forces of boredom and the mundane a little bit of nonsense at a time and in this story we follow the holy work of one of their agents as he goes about his missions. Or her missions. Like most Nonsense, Inc. agents, he's unlikely to conform to anything as conventional as gender for long...

Some rules follow:

1) This story is actually based in the real world, there is no magic, no super sci-fi technology that can make everything possible, so if you do decide to change something about the character such as their gender do so in a believable way, like cross-dressing or a sex-change.

2) Remember, you're bringing nonsense to the mundane, things should be normal before our character gets involved

&) Obey the flan.

q) Turn around 3 times before batting cushions around the room with a TV remote

v.) I like superfluous list items

updated Sep 22 by darkliquid