Nonsense, Inc.

I think I might be going a little bit crazy. I woke up at 4am and spent 3 hours looking at pictures of grapefruits on the Internet. I don't even like grapefruit. When the more reasonable hour of 7am came about, I had a furious craving for bacon. I sauntered over to the fridge and before I knew it I had taken the strips of bacon and laid them across my face like some obscene mask while trying to bite my own chin and sing 'All Along the Watchtower'. Amidst fits of giggles I then peeled the strips from my face and wrapped them neatly around my hand, making a meaty puppet. I named him Bakeor: master of pork and ran around the kitchen pretending he was looking for hot chicks to take back to his meaty lair for a quick shag. Thankfully that all lasted about 15 minutes and then I collapsed with exhaustion. I wiped the sweat from my brow with the bacon, put it in a sandwich and began eating it before realising it wasn't cooked. A quick stint in the microwave solved that problem and soon I was wolfing down soggy bread and sweaty pale pig flesh. Yummy.

The rest of the day was a bit of a blur and I'm not sure what happened. I think a clown came to visit me and we spent the day wearing speedos and smoking jackets and talking about Russian literature over whiskey. The clown didn't drink, he was driving. I may also have had a phone call from my mother, but I probably told her that I was really a little insane right then and hung up.

As I said, the day was a little bit blurry. I decided to have a shower the next day, the stink of bacon was ripe upon me and somehow some kind of moss had managed to set up residence in my hair. Looking in the mirror I saw a mad man staring back with wild eyes. I'm not an unattractive man. Wrinkled slightly from being overworked by constantly shifting wild expressions, I look older than my actual 27 and the messy beard and long hair do little to distract from that. Dark rings around brown eyes make me look like a haggard Jesus after years of meths but I don't mind. Sure, I'm an insomniac, I like a drink every now and again and maybe, just maybe I'm a little crazy. You don't have to be to work here, but it helps.

Ahh, the buzzer, my assistant has come to wake me up no doubt. Work again today. Percy walks in, suited and tied and generally nothing like me at all.
 He hands me a clipboard, the missions for the day. It's a tough job but someone has to do it. I'm one of the few people that fight against the forces wanting to crush this world under a miasma of dullness, mediocrity and grey morose routine. Someone has to keep I little nonsense in the world, lest we all go mad from boredom. Thats the bad kind of mad by the way. So, another day, another mission to choose from.

Welcome to Nonsense, Inc. Keeping the world interesting.

The End

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